Tag Archives: twice exceptional children

Is Your Gifted Child A “Troublemaker”?

 

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When you hear hoofbeats, maybe you SHOULD think zebras and not horses!

Gifted and talented children are frequently leaders in their schools and communities.  They often have advanced language skills and display an early and intense sense of humor. Gifted children can be the funny, outgoing, energetic kids who have deep empathy and abundant warmth.  Wondering if your young child might be gifted?  Read How To Spot A Gifted Child In Your Preschool Class (Or Your Living Room!).

But being gifted isn’t all rainbows and first place ribbons.  Some aspects of being gifted contribute to styles of interaction with authorities and peers that are not a cause for celebration. Gifted kids can be perceived as causing trouble, creating conflict and disrupting things wherever they go.  Super-bright children might end up with this label for the following common behaviors and characteristics:

  • They resist many rules as limiting and irrelevant.  “Because that’s the way it’s done” is not accepted when a gifted child sees the rule as useless or worse: illogical.
  • Boredom with class material they have already mastered gets expressed as anger or  criticism.
  • Their unique interests mean that they may reject their peer’s play schemes and try to convince their friends to play games their way or else.
  • They talk.  A lot.  At times, they may take over a discussion or attempt to alter a teacher’s presentation to address related issues or get more in-depth about a topic.  They may not be able to let a topic go until they have asked every question and made every point that they find important.
  • The frequent sensitivity of gifted children might make a normal level of noise, light or interaction too stimulating, and younger children especially will react in frustration or even tantrums.
  • Your gifted child may be having difficulty with an area of development that has been masked by their talents.  Gifted and Struggling? Meet the Twice Exceptional Student and How OT Can Help A common example would be the gifted child who is struggling with dyslexia, but has been able to use powerful memory and logic to fill in the blanks in a story.  They may not have read the book, but they are able to recall enough of the teacher’s description or the cover’s blurb to “fake it”.  The resulting failure and frustration, even with high overall test scores, builds their resentment and avoidance.

What can you do to transform a gifted troublemaker into your family’s champion or star?

  • The first step is to recognize where the ‘trouble” is coming from.  Your child’s early developmental skills and rapid acquisition of new information could be fueling their behavior.  Seen through this lens, many of the frustrating reactions and interactions with gifted children become understandable.
  • Explore ways to create a more enriched environment for your child.  It doesn’t have to be classes and microscope sets.  It could be more trips to the library or more craft materials to allow all that creativity to be expressed.  Children that are fulfilled are less crabby, less demanding and less resistant.
  • Be willing to take the time to answer questions and discuss the origins of rules.  A rule that is in place for safety can be accepted if it is explained.  A rule about social behavior, such as allowing everyone to have a turn in order, is an important lesson in navigating a world in which the kids with the fastest brains aren’t always the ones who get the first turn.
  • Consider the possibility that your gifted troublemaker is “twice exceptional”.  There may be issues like dyslexia or sensory processing disorder that need to be addressed.  Other issues don’t have to be cognitive.  Your child may be struggling with anxiety or coordination.  Giftedness doesn’t discriminate or remove all challenges to learning.  But remember that these do not minimize their profound gifts in other areas.  They complicate them.
  • Share your awareness of their gifts with them.  Kids who know that their frustrations and responses have a source other than being a difficult person have higher self esteem.  A gifted kid who thinks badly about themselves?  Yes, it does happen.  Feeling different from their friends, knowing that their ideas aren’t always welcomed, being told to be quiet and go along with the flow.  All of these can make a gifted child question themselves.  When you explain that their brain works differently, and that you will help them navigate situations successfully, your support can make a tremendous difference!

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How To Talk So Your Gifted Child Will Listen

 

 

greyson-joralemon-299735I have written a few posts about identifying giftedness in very young children ( Your Bossy Baby or Toddler May Be Gifted. Really. Here Are The Signs You Are Missing!  and How To Spot A Gifted Child In Your Preschool Class (Or Your Living Room!) ) but I want to give some specific attention to communicating with a young gifted child.

Communicating may seem to be the least of your worries when raising or teaching these kids!  Many, but not all, gifted children start speaking early.  And they waste no time once they learn to speak.  Gifted toddlers are known to be chatty, specific, and often demanding in their insistence that you listen to them.  Getting them to listen to you is usually the problem.

Why?  Not because giftedness confers entitlement or because they are spoiled.  The gifted brain is wired for details and connections like a heat-seeking missile.  It likes novelty and intensity over routines.  Gifted kids cannot stop themselves from seeing relationships between objects, events or ideas.  They often want to change the rules of a game and strongly value their own viewpoint.  They learn one concept and will immediately have seven more questions about that topic.  And they want all their answers responded to.   Right now.

You will probably never be able to use “Because I said so” and get away with it when speaking with a gifted child.  Why?  Your response provides no details, no information for the gifted mind to chew on.  And they have lots and lots of ideas about how to approach and complete just about everything.  Doing it your way may take some convincing!

Here are a few suggestions that make communicating with a gifted child more successful and even enjoyable:

  • When making a request or giving a direction, be clear that it is one or the other.  Gifted children will take you at your literal word when you say “Could you clean up your space now?” and respond that they could, but they don’t want to.  Ask them to clean up, or offer them the choice to do it now or in 2 minutes.
  • If you do make a request, provide a simple rationale but use the “big words” they love.  “Please clean up so that we have enough space and less visual distractions to do _______on the table” is logical and saves the time you would spend to repeatedly ask them if you said  “Clean up now”.   It also adds some vocabulary words they may not know.  That can be like catnip to a gifted mind!
  • Don’t be offended if you get a quick retort that things could be done a different way.  Gifted children aren’t necessarily being rude or sassy.  They are stating what is obvious to them:  there are more ways to accomplish this task than the one you laid out.
  • Explain your reasoning when you get a rebuke, and make sure it makes sense.  Gifted kids dislike illogical or rigid thinking.  They may comply with your directions because of a reward or peer pressure, but they will not see you as an authority if  your reasoning doesn’t demonstrate clear and rational thought.  The exception to this rule is when your rationale is creative and expansive.  Some, but not all, gifted kids will go along with this type of thinking because it suggests more excitement could occur by following you there.
  • Be prepared to be exhausted.  Gifted children’s minds work overtime, and you may be caught up in complex stories or conversations about anything and everything.  These kids can go on forever, it seems, ferreting out more information from you and coming up with multiple lines of thought.  Expect that you will be asked to give them this kind of attention.  It can be fun, not exhausting, if you set limits for time and attention.  If you have to move on, suggest that you can take this conversation back up later.  They probably will remind you of this promise later on!
  • Suggest that they use their creative powers to come up with new ways to play with old toys or combine two toys or games with other children.  Gifted children do not always need adult interaction, even though they often seek adults for play.   They will often say that their peers cannot or do not want to take play in a direction that they find fun or exciting.  By giving them a creative start and letting them explore, they may find ways to get peers involved as more than assistants or observers.

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Gifted Or Disordered? The Unrecognized Behavioral Traits of Young Gifted Children

 

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Here is a short list of many common behavioral characteristics of gifted children:

  1. Spontaneous. 
  2. Boundless enthusiasm.
  3. Intense focus on passions.  
  4. Highly energetic.  This is the child who doesn’t seem to need as much sleep or downtime as peers.
  5. Constantly asking questions.  Constantly.
  6. Insatiably curious.  Everything is interesting, all the time.
  7. Impulsive, eager and spirited.  Novelty is a total turn-on, not to be feared.
  8. Persistent and goal-directed in areas that are important to them.
  9. Very easily frustrated, especially when they are unable to meet their own standards.
  10. Volatile temper when perceiving that they have failed.
  11. Chatty; absolutely a non-stop talker.

So…now are you excited to parent a gifted child, or to have one in your class or in your therapy clinic?  Or are you thinking “This sounds more like a child with learning problems, not gifts, and it sounds even be more like a child with autism”.    Or even “Children like these could be really annoying”.  Well, you aren’t alone.  Many of these characteristics exhaust adults, and create difficulties when gifted children try to navigate the world of typical kids and adults.  They may be 5-10% of the population, but they can be the source of 80% of the excitement in your home, class or clinic.  And they are often misdiagnosed as troubled rather than talented, just based on their behavior.

Welcome to the world of the gifted and those who interact with them.  It isn’t all sparkling conversation and shining rows of chess/debate medals.  Gifted children that have many or most of these characteristics may also be amazingly sensitive to others, the world around them, and to their own inner experiences.  That combination of behavior and sensitivity makes for some intense and often exhausting interactions that others find irritating or worse.   It really is the gift that keeps on giving.  And we aren’t even talking about the twice exceptional children. These children have diagnosable difficulties with learning, behavior, movement and sensory processing in addition to their gifted qualities.  They often wait years before clinicians parse out which is which.

So how could you know if the child in front of you is actually gifted, other than a psychologist’s tests?  And even if you know you have a certified smartypants, how can you determine whether their behavior is typical for gifted people or a sign of a disorder?  The answer could be to assess the quality of their behavior while looking at the level of cognition, the complexity of the conversation and the emotional depth and intensity of the interaction when compared to their age.

A three-year old that can eagerly exchange ideas regarding how tornados differ from hurricanes in their potential for damage and their source of power for 10 minutes is exhibiting a level of comprehension, intensity, curiosity, persistence and enthusiasm that you don’t typically see in this age group.   His ability to string together concepts, retain and analyze information,  respond to your own perspective and tune into your emotional tone during the discussion gives you clues that this is a gifted child, not a child with attention issues or autism.

A five year-old that paints and re-paints a picture until the colors and shapes express exactly how happy she was at the zoo may also be showing you some of these characteristics.   Her frustrated insistence on a complete representation of form and emotion, as well as her unique use of media are telling you a lot about her talents.  If you are amazed that all this focus doesn’t tire her out but energizes her more; there’s another clue.  The depth of her joy she has while creating or when opening a box of new pastels, like Christmas has come again, is another hint that she may be gifted.

When a child’s asynchronous development gets in the way, a gifted child can struggle.  Most gifted children aren’t gifted in every area of development, so a gifted artist may not be able to physically draw what she sees in her mind, a gifted writer may not be able to write his book legibly at 6, and a gifted athlete may not be able to handle her team losing.  That is where wise adults can provide strong support and education in managing their talents and explaining their struggles to gifted children.

I am frequently asked as an OT for ideas on how to manage gifted toddlers in class and at home, and I wrote a short post earlier this year in response Gifted at Preschool: How to Support The Young Gifted Child In Class.  For suggestions on how to make life easier at home, my suggestions focus more on building sensory and emotional tolerance for kids, and teaching self-awareness and self-calming skills.

Is your child singled out more for being a problem than being a star?  Read Is Your Gifted Child A “Troublemaker”? for ideas on how to turn this around today.

If your child receives OT for any reason, this may be a place to start.  Check out this post for more information:  How Occupational Therapy Can Help Gifted Children (And Their Exhausted Parents!)  Occupational therapists that can see the difference between gifted traits and symptoms of an attentional or learning disorder can help parents on this amazing journey of discovery with their gifted child. Read Gifted and Struggling? Meet the Twice Exceptional Student and How OT Can Help for some strategies to help your gifted child who also has dyslexia, ADHD, or motor control issues.

Your Gifted Child: More Than An Amazing Intellect

 

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The characteristic that convinces a parent that their child is gifted is often an impressive vocabulary or mathematical ability.  This is the criteria that will get them into the “G and T” program in school, and is often a source of pride for both parents and children.  Wait!  There are other characteristics of giftedness that aren’t always so well received.  Making the most of a powerful brain will sometimes mean addressing all the effects of giftedness on behavior, emotional reactions, social interaction and even physiology.

My primary point in writing this post is to mention that giftedness brings with it a host of abilities, and managing all them effectively will be your child’s lifelong challenge.  Poorly managed, a child can struggle internally or fail to use their gifts with joy.  Success starts with parental awareness and support.

Your gifted child, from toddlerhood onward, may demonstrate common patterns of behavior or thinking that can be challenging for parents:

  • intense feelings and reactions
  • high sensitivity to other’s feelings
  • idealism and a sense of justice, intolerance of rigid rules at school or home
  • daydreaming or preoccupation with own thoughts
  • intense focus on specific tasks or topics, ignores other’s interests
  • unusual sense of humor and playing with objects in atypical ways
  • vivid imaginations, including imaginary playmates
  • difficulty tolerating classroom routines and simple games
  • less interest in playing with peers; seeks out older children or adults
  • worries or becomes fearful of anticipated events or things they don’t understand

When children are assessed by a psychologist and found to have asynchrony in their development (a fancy term that describes a chart of testing scores that look like the Alps:  high in some areas, average or below average in others), this can add to the frustration of living as a gifted child.  Preschoolers with advanced cognition but poor articulation of speech cannot express themselves but are thinking amazing thoughts.  This is so frustrating for them!  Super-sensitive children may pick up on a teacher’s stress over her home life just by her posture and her energy level.  They know that something bad is going on, and wonder if they should be concerned.  Children with sensory sensitivity complain about scratchy shirts, irritating lights and can have difficulty with typical levels of noise, scents or movement.

Gifted kids can be incredible negotiators, remember every promise you make and hold to to them,  develop sarcasm to control people, or try to influence every game so that it reflects their strong interests.  They can be overwhelmed by commercials requesting donations for animals or children, and become upset when they listen to adults discuss political issues.  All at 6 years of age or less!

What can parents do to help their gifted children, right from the start?  Notice which characteristics seem to be most difficult for your child to handle.  Some kids are irritated by stimulation from the physical world, some are under stimulated or simply lonely for sure peers at school, and some are overwhelmed by emotions.  They are like snowflakes; each one is different.

Support your gifted child where she needs it most.  Energetic kids need lots to do, and ways to calm down.  Sensitive kids need to learn ways to manage the world without being overstimulated.  Children who wear their hearts on their sleeves can take action to help others and understand how many adults are working for the same purpose as we speak.

Gifted children who learn to manage all the characteristics of giftedness are the leaders of the future, the innovators, and the people that will bring us forward.  With the right support and understanding, they can use their abilities freely and joyously!

Gifted and Struggling? Meet the Twice Exceptional Student and How OT Can Help

 

 

rockybeachI work with two amazing children that could be diagnosed as “twice exceptional”.  Both boys, they have amazing intellectual gifts (one verbal, one in math) but they work with me on their handwriting and their behavior.  Neither can write a simple sentence without significant errors in letter placement or formation.  But both can shock me with their mental abilities.  They are very familiar with what happens when your mom gets a note from the teacher.  It usually isn’t because of their giftedness.  Helping them to succeed in school shouldn’t be that difficult if you look at their test scores.  But it is.

Both kids feel that they are failures in school.  They get in trouble more often than their peers, their homework comes back with lots of red-lined comments, and they have no idea why people alternately compliment them on their skills and then make it clear that they are a problem in some way.  Their minds generate lots of ideas; many of them are clever ways to decrease the amount or level of challenge I throw at them in our sessions.

What is going on?  I think that the whole child has to be seen to be understood.  The gifted brain is different, not just high-powered.  Some kids have  wonderful ideas and thoughts they cannot get on paper fast enough.  Some have struggled with emotional or physical sensitivity.  They freeze or run (mentally) almost before they have written anything.  Some were not paying attention to handwriting in preschool, or figured out that the teacher would accept any effort, so they ignored the class instruction in letter formation and placement.  The other children glowed with pride to write their names neatly.  These children were gazing at the stars, quite literally!

Many, many gifted children struggle with motor skill development, and many more just don’t have the patience for practice.  The incidence of learning issues such as dyslexia in the gifted population is not insignificant.  Their cumulative test scores on their achievement tests mask the learning disability too often.  On paper, these kids look average.  They are nothing of the kind.  Look for striking subtest score disparities to identify them.  But then you have to help them.

Occupational therapists are the secret weapon for the twice exceptional student.  OT has a lot to offer these kids.  We can help self-regulation issues, we can adapt seating, listening, and learning environments for these kids.  We have skills to help them deal with anxiety and the performance issues that arise, and we have handwriting instruction and remediation strategies that work well and work fast with bright students.   Twice exceptional kids often don’t get services because they can “game” the evaluations.  Their great visual-perceptual or cognitive skills allow them to get an average score, but if their approach is carefully observed, the OT can see that happening.  The narrative in the evaluation has to highlight the issues, and the parents have to advocate for treatment.

Working with twice exceptional kids is a joy for me.  They are just as deserving of good therapy as the globally delayed children I treat.  I just have to pay attention to issues of global significance and make sure that I can keep up with the conversations they initiate!

Does your twice exceptional child have a stubborn streak a mile wide?  If so, read Is Your Gifted Child Also Your Most Strong Willed Child As Well? for my perspective on why someone so clever can also get stuck defending a position that makes no sense!