Tag Archives: tantrums

Parents With Disabilities Need The Happiest Toddler on the Block Techniques

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I usually write about children with disabilities, but today’s post is about parents with challenges.  As an occupational therapist that sees children in their homes through the Early Intervention program, I meet all kinds of parents.  This includes parents with disabilities of their own.  Some parents have vision or hearing issues, some have orthopedic issues (try lifting a toddler all day with a bad back!}), and some have emotional or cognitive issues.  I have worked with parents with addictions and parents that were intellectually challenged.  I may have seen it all, with the exception of parents in wheelchairs and parents that are deaf.  But my career isn’t over yet; there is still time.

They all have had one thing in common:  parenting small children is even harder when you have a disability.  Not impossible, and no reason to think that they cannot do a good or even a great job.  But it is definitely harder to raise children when you have a disability.  Small children are demanding, in a 24/7, self-centered manner.  That is normal, that is the natural state of a young child.  It doesn’t make it any easier.  There are no coffee breaks, there is no weekend off.  Not unless you have willing relatives or friends that will come over or take care of them in their own homes.

The Happiest Toddler on the Block techniques are methods to teach children self-regulating skills and strategies to help children learn to communicate their needs and feelings without aggression or defiance.  They don’t require an advanced degree, and they could save you from going to a therapist yourself, just to complete a sentence that doesn’t start with “For goodness sake,….!”

Parents with disabilities often think that what they need most are the skills or the capacity that they lack.  And I am not going to tell you that being able to see well, hear well, move easily or have boundless energy wouldn’t be a good thing.  But if a child is able to calm down, wait for a snack or a toy, follow directions and even assist the parent in accomplishing something, life gets so, so much better.  Just the removal of stress from tantrums and whining makes everyone’s life better.  You are able to focus and work out how to get things done and feel good about yourself as a parent.  Children that can self-regulate are better able to handle the frustrations of life, and better able to empathize with others.

If you are a parent with a disability, or you know such a parent, please share this post with them.  Tell them to read Why Telling Your Child “It’s OK” Doesn’t Calm Him Down (And What To Do Instead) , Stretch Your Toddler’s Patience, Starting Today! and Use The Fast Food Rule For Better Attunement With Your Child for some useful strategies that start turning things around right away.

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Tantrum Taming With Special Needs Toddlers

Toddler tantrums are difficult to handle in the first place. The screaming, throwing and hitting can come as a wave of emotion that overwhelms and frightens both the child and the parent. When you have a toddler that may be emotionally age-appropriate but has difficulty expressing thoughts or understanding language, and add trouble handling sensory information, and you have a real problem. These children need our best efforts to help them navigate these waters.

Some special needs children remain at the toddler stage beyond the 18-4 year range. Those children are especially prone to explosions, as some of their abilities race ahead of skill acquisition (language, movement, self-calming) that would help them cope with emotional turmoil.

If you cannot reason with a special needs child who is having a tantrum, what can you do? Although he did not create his techniques for this population, Dr. Harvey Karp’s toddler communication techniques have been very effective for me in my work. He emphasizes gestures/facial expression and use repeated short phrases. Solving the cause of the tantrum comes AFTER acknowledging the child’s feelings. I will not say that every tantrum has evaporated, but I have seen simply amazing results.

The hardest part for me was that his primary technique requires me to sound, well, like a toddler. Communicating with a child in such a simple, primitive way took some practice. But looking incompetent in front of his parents wasn’t so wonderful either.

Dr. Karp’s book “the Happiest Toddler on the Block” has been revised since I first read it, and the new and improved edition is even more user-friendly. If you parent a special needs child or work with one, it is worth learning this compassionate and effective program.

does this look familiar? read on!

does this look familiar? read on!