Tag Archives: sensory processing disorder

Are YOU A Sensory Sensitive Parent?

If you fill out the Infant/Toddler Sensory Profile for your child and see yourself on the page too, don’t be too surprised. Actually, you might feel relieved, and even a bit excited. Because now you know that you aren’t “crazy” or “weird” or even “difficult”. If you have some sensory processing issues of your own, you can address them and improve your situation while you help your child learn to build their sensory processing skills as well.

About one in four of the families I work with will admit that at least one parent has or had difficulties with sensory processing at one time. They rarely offer this information at the evaluation. Only with the reframing that occurs as I explain the experience of therapy for sensory processing disorder for their child do I hear about how a parent only eats certain textures of food or cannot tolerate wearing clothes with long sleeves.

Now, that revelation is just the entry into a conversation about themselves, because one issue with sensory experiences doesn’t indicate a sensory processing problem. Eventually I will hear about all the small and sundry things that this parent (or their partner) avoids or alters in order to manage life as a functioning adult. Then it becomes clear to both of us: the story they told themselves about their preferences or personality quirks are likely to be based in sensory processing, not psychology.

Older children and adults are told (or tell themselves) that they are difficult, rigid, controlling, and too sensitive. This sounds very demeaning, but in fact it is often not intended to be hurtful. Behavior is often seen as only occurring for cognitive or emotional reasons. You have a feeling, and the reason is how you are thinking or feeling. Not always.

The truth is that sensory processing creates the impetus for many behaviors. Not seeing the effect of the body on behavior is a huge impediment to addressing issues effectively. Yes, people who are overwhelmed with sensory input can and do try to control their environment and the people in it. It looks like they are rigid and difficult. But it is not the same as being manipulative and aggressive. Avoiding touch or movement can appear to be relational, when in fact it is a sensory-based issue. The relational problems begin when the person or other people interpret the behavior as indicating something else, such as shyness or social aversion. How you define yourself and how others define you is like choosing which road to travel. It means that you may not see all the reasons for behavior and all the possibilities for change.

Adults rarely receive effective treatment for long-standing sensory processing issues. Sometimes they have come up with their own solutions, such as doing yoga to receive deep pressure input. They may tell their friends that they can’t digest certain foods, when in fact just seeing some foods makes them nauseous. I am more than happy to work with parents and help them creatively explore solutions for themselves when it is indicated. I have even treated adults formally as an OT from time to time. When parents see themselves more clearly as they support their child, both parties can address sensory processing issues more effectively.

Low Tone and Toilet Training: Parents And Children Need To Work Together

This one is simple to explain, but not so easy to achieve with some kids.  Children whose interactional pattern is defiance or whining are going to be much harder to train, regardless of whether or not they have significant issues with low muscle tone.  In fact,  I would rather coach a very physically unstable but cooperative child than a toddler with mildly low tone but a firm commitment to resist any adult request.   If both parties aren’t able to work together, things may not go well.  At all.

Toddlers and preschoolers are known for their tendency to love the word “no”.  Did you know that, developmentally, the high-water mark for hysteria and the reflexive “no” is between 18 and 24 months?  Yup, that’s when language skills haven’t emerged to support expressing feelings and comprehending adult reasons. It is when emotional fuses are neurologically short, as in that forebrain is still sooo immature.   They really can’t handle their emotions at all on a brain level.  They have just left that sweet-baby phase where they want to please you more than anything, and they can’t be quite as easily distracted from bad behavior now.  This is a generalization, and there are some parents reading this that are thinking “We never got that lovely baby phase.  He went from crabby infant to bossy toddler!”  Well, I sympathize,  and I still invite you to read on.  All is not lost.  As language, emotional and reasoning skills slowly grow, a child who still falls apart easily and rages constantly isn’t always at the mercy of neurology as much as not having some basic coping skills.  It’s time to work on them before you jump into potty training.

Toddlerhood is long, all the way up to 5 years-old, and I won’t minimize the tantrums and agitation that can emerge.  This extended path to greater maturity is why I bought, devoured and constantly use The Happiest Toddler on the Block, Dr. Harvey Karp’s great book on building toddler coping skills. Half of the benefit is learning to both listen to and talk to toddlers in a way that calms things down.  I could not do my work as a pediatric occupational therapist with as much joy and enthusiasm as I have without these strategies.  Thanks, Dr. Karp!

For parents of children with language, communication or cognitive issues that result in developmental delays, your child may be 4 years-old but their other skills that are closer to 18 months old.  You can still toilet train.  Has your child been diagnosed on the autistic spectrum?  You can still train them.  Really.  The process may take longer and you may have to be both very creative and very consistent, but it can be done.  Job #1 is still the same: building a cooperative and warm relationship.

If your days are defined by defiance and whining, you need to learn all of the Happiest Toddler techniques that reduce frustration, including Patience Stretching and the Fast Food Rule.  Stretch Your Toddler’s Patience, Starting Today! You need to use “time-ins” for shared fun and warmth without a goal in mind.  You could try some of the more language-based techniques such as Give It In Fantasy and Gossiping.  And of course, you need to look at your approach to setting limits. All that love is great, but if your child knows that there are no consequences to breaking family rules or aggression,  your plan is in trouble.  Dr. Karp’s techniques aren’t intended to be a toilet training plan, but they set the stage for learning and independence.  Those are the ultimate goals of toilet training!

If you would like a more detailed or more personal level of support, visit my website tranquil babies  and purchase a consultation (in the NY metro area) or a phone/video consult!