Tag Archives: gifted and frustration

Does Your Gifted Child Interrupt You Constantly? Respond This Way For Better Results

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Gifted kids of all ages like to ask questions.  Most of the time, they have an intensity that means they frequently interrupt people.  It is one reason why they like books and online media.  They can turn the page, scroll fast, and toggle back and forth without waiting for you!

As understandable as this behavior is, it is still impolite and annoying.  This is a problem.  Gifted kids aren’t always the kids with the most friends, and highly gifted kids are so far off the developmental path of their typical friends that sometimes they have only one friend.  Or none.

Teaching a gifted child how to behave socially is important for their long-term and short-term mental health.  They aren’t trying to be difficult or rude.  They need adults to help them manage their gifts.  Here is a suggestion to manage the chronic interruptor:

Give them MORE information than they asked for, using technical terms that you think they don’t know, and more details than you would offer another child of the same age.

Why?

The gifted brain looks for three things:  intensity, complexity, and satisfaction of the drive for learning, novelty and perfection.  Giving a gifted child an answer in this way, rather than shutting them down, is like giving a thirsty man a bottle of water.

If your child sits back and thinks about your complex answer, their shoulders relax, and their tone softens, you know you hit pay dirt.  You got it right.

What if they become more aggravating?

The child that, instead, is being a real PITA, who wanted your attention but not your information, the child that wanted to jerk your chain?  They won’t react this way.  They may even get more aggravating.  When your child draws a line in the sand and baits you, that has nothing to do with being gifted.  They are defying you.  Different problem.

But the gifted child, who was simply expressing that drive, intensity and complexity?  They should be much happier, and they could even smile at you.  You understood them, you got them.  Responding this way to my clients  and getting a positive result is one way I know I could have a gifted child in front of me.  Giftedness is rarely formally tested under 5, but it emerges early.

For more information on helping gifted children thrive, read  Why Gifted Children Aren’t Their Teacher’s Favorite Students….  and  Raising a Gifted Child? Read “A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children” For Successful Strategies To Navigate the Waters  .  One of my new posts, Gifted Child? Try “How Does Your Engine Run” For More Peace at Home and School , describes a program occupational therapists use that teaches a gifted child how to manage their drives in a positive way.

If you want to ask me questions about managing your gifted child, visit my website,  Tranquil Babies , and buy a consultation session.  You will be able to have more of an understanding of why you and your child struggle so much when they are so smart!!

Is Your Gifted Child Is A Perfectionist?

 

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Do you know a child who is always trying to get to “perfect”?  Being called a perfectionist is almost universally a criticism in our society.  It doesn’t have to be.  Some kids that are reaching for the ultimate aren’t unnecessarily stressing them selves out.  They may gifted.

The gifted child is capable of seeing what others do not.  They envision a wider and deeper experience, a more complete artistic expression, a better-turned phrase.  And they demand a chance to achieve it.  In this way, perfecting their performance or product isn’t psychological struggle, it is accomplishing what they can imagine.

A gifted child may not beat himself up for not immediately achieving his vision, but he may not leave well enough alone.  He may not have to.  Given the chance, he may work happily on his project for hours or days or even months, not really minding the process that requires failures and one-offs.  This should give you a clue to the source of your child’s persistence;  the gifted enjoy the process as much as the product.  This is very different from the child who tears up a picture in frustration.  There are no tears from a gifted child, but there may not be any negotiation.  They cannot leave their work in it’s current state, knowing that a better outcome is right around the corner.

What if the picture or term paper is due on Tuesday?

Give your gifted child the gift of understanding and teach them that deadlines also have value.  Living in our society requires the gifted child to bend to fit, but not break.  They can continue to work on their project when it is returned to them, or they can accept that reaching the perfect state the they see is something that doesn’t happen with every endeavor.

Let them enjoy the creative process, as this is the true joy for them.  Gifted children need your help to learn how to navigate the wider world, where often their modest efforts are celebrated.  They know that they can do more, but if they can shift off of a demand for perfection in some things, they can reach the heights of their abilities in other experiences.