Tag Archives: Dr. Karp

How Dr. Harvey Karp Helps Kids AND Adults with Regulation Issues

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Can you do DBT with toddlers?  Well, Marsha Linehan probably would say no, but the Fast Food Rule and Patience Stretching come as close as you ever could!

Many child psychologists and psychotherapists are focusing on attachment theory and the problems of poor emotional regulation in children.  The rise of self-harm behaviors in teens and aggression in children as young as 3 can be related to difficulties handling emotions and experiences that increase arousal levels but never get resolved.

Not every child who throws their book down in frustration or slams their bedroom door needs to see a therapist.  But I do wonder how many of those teens that cut themselves, starve themselves or get suspended for putting their hands on a teacher or fellow student, actually needed Dr. Karp’s techniques when they were 3 or 4.  Maybe, just maybe, if they had been helped with Patience Stretching when they wanted that toy, or if someone had used the Fast Food Rule with them when they had a tantrum Use The Fast Food Rule For Better Attunement With Your Child, maybe they would be in better shape at 13.

Why?

Because these techniques don’t just work on the child.  They work on the adult using them as well.  And adults who can self-regulate raise kids who learn to do it too.

When I use Patience Stretching( Stretch Your Toddler’s Patience, Starting Today! ) with a toddler that wants one toy while I want them to work a bit longer on a therapy task, I am actually receiving the benefits of the technique as well.  I am both teaching and experiencing the reduction in frustration and the decrease in agitation as this strategy calms down the whole situation.  Oxytocin gets released when we calm down with a child, and adults need that hit as much as children do.  If we “go there” with an agitated child, we feel worse, even if we think we won because we have the power to deny or punish.  It doesn’t feel good to do either, but it also doesn’t feel good to give into a screaming child.  Not really.  Even the most permissive adult will say no to something dangerous, and then the child who is unfamiliar with hearing “no” will really explode.

The good news is that you don’t have to get an advanced degree to use Dr. Karp’s strategies.  You have to practice them so that your delivery is flexible and confident, but anyone can do it, not just therapists.  In fact, if these techniques don’t work well once you improve your delivery, that could be one way to decide that you need to consult a child specialist.

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Why Doesn’t Swaddling Alone Calm Newborns?

I attended a local function last night, and this question was on my mind as parents recounted their experiences with newborns and calming.  They thought that they were doing the swaddling wrong.  Or that their child was abnormal.  Not likely.  They just didn’t realize that for most babies, swaddling alone doesn’t do the deal.

As a certified Happiest Baby educator, I am aware that there are a small percentage of babies that are so mellow that they might not even need a swaddle.  These newborns just eat, poop, pee and sleep.  Anywhere, any time.  Having such a baby feels like winning the lottery.  It is, and it is almost as rare.  Dr. Karp estimates the percentage of “easy” babies as somewhere between 5 and 15%.  Enjoy it, but do not think that baby #2 will be the same.  It isn’t inherited, or your divine guidance, or that your husband is a gem.  You got lucky.

Most babies are in between as far as temperament and fussiness, and need at least some of the 5 S’s.  Swinging, sucking, side/stomach positioning (to calm only), shush-ing, and the swaddle.  They are only occasionally fussy, and it is clear to you what they need after you know the Happiest Baby moves.

And then there are the babies that he classifies as “spirited”.  You know if you have one of these.  Peals of joy, but also screams that could make the sheetrock fall off the walls.  If they are hungry, you’d think they were being starved.  If they are tired, they are hysterical.  If you don’t pick them up in time, they make it clear that you will rue the day you do that again.  They are not possessed, they are expressing a combo of lack of self-calming skills, a really immature brain, and a fiery temperament.  You need to do all the moves of Happiest Baby, and do them right.  I can help.  Read more of my posts, get Dr. Karp’s DVD, and practice the moves until you could teach my classes.

So, swaddling does work, it just isn’t the end of the story for most babies.  If you have a baby for whom swaddling isn’t enough, don’t give up.  Take a class, get a consultation from me or another educator, and don’t worry that a screaming newborn means a lifetime of this rollercoaster!