Category Archives: toilet training

Not Making It To the Potty In Time? Three Reasons Why Special Needs Kids Have Accidents

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If your special needs child isn’t experiencing a medical reason for incontinence (infection, blockage, neurological impairment) then you might be facing one of these three common roadblocks to total training success:

  1. Your child has limited or incomplete interoceptive awareness.  What is interoception?  It is the ability to sense and interpret internal cues.  The distention of the bladder, the fullness of the colon, etc are all internal cues that should send them to the potty.  Unfortunately, just as poor proprioception can hinder a child’s ability to move smoothly, poor interception can result in potty accidents, among other things.  Working with them to become more aware of those feelings can include monitoring their intake and elimination routines.  You will know when they should have more sensory input, and can educate them about what that means.  Listen to how they describe internal feelings.  Kids don’t always know the right words, so use their words or give them a new vocabulary to help them communicate.
  2. Your child’s clothing is difficult to manage, or their dressing skills aren’t up to the task.  They run out of time before nature calls.  Tops that are hard to roll up, pants that have tricky fasteners, even fabrics that are hard to grasp and manipulate.  All of these can make it a few seconds too long once they get into the bathroom.  If you are not in there with them, you may have to ask them to do a “dry run” so you can see what is going on and what you can change to make undressing faster.  In my e-book, The Practical Guide To Toilet Training Your Child With Low Muscle Tone, I teach parents the best ways to teach dressing skills and the easiest clothing choices for training and beyond.  If you have ever had to “go” while in a formal gown or a holiday costume, you know how clothing choices can make it a huge challenge to using the toilet!
  3. Your child is too far from the bathroom when they get the “urge”.  Children  with mobility problems or planning problems may not think that they are in trouble right away.  They might be able to get to the bathroom in time in their own home.  When they are out in public or at school, the distance they have to cover can be significant, and barriers such as stairs or elevators can be an issue.  Even kids playing outside in their own yards might not be able to come inside in time.  If you can’t alter where they are, teach them to use the potty before they go outside or when they are near the bathroom, instead of waiting.  Taking the time to empty a half-full bladder is better than an accident.

Looking for more information on toilet training?  Read How To Teach Your Child To Wipe “Back There” and Low Tone and Toilet Training: Learning to Hold It In Long Enough to Make It to The Potty.  and of course, my e-book is available for more extensive assistance The Practical Guide to Toilet Training Your Child With Low Muscle Tone: Potty Training Help Has Arrived!

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Toilet Training For Preschool And Stuck in Neutral? Here’s Why…..

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Many of my clients are in a rush to get their kid trained in the next few weeks for school. They have been making some headway over the summer, but things can stall out half-way through.  Here are some common reasons (but probably not all of them) why kids hit a plateau:

  1. They lose that initial boost of excitement in achieving a “big kid” milestone.  Using the potty isn’t an accomplishment now, it is just a chore.
  2. Parents and caregivers aren’t able to keep up the emotional rewards they need.  It is hard to be as excited about the 10th poop in the potty as the first time.
  3. The rewards used aren’t rewarding anymore.  A sticker or a candy might not be enough to pull someone away from Paw Patrol.
  4. An episode of constipation or any other negative physical experience has them worried.  Even a little bit of difficulty can discourage a toddler.
  5. Too many accidents or not enough of a result when they are really trying can also discourage a child.
  6. Using the potty is now a power play.  Some kids need to feel in control, and foiling a parent’s goal of toileting gives them the feeling that they are the ones running the show.  “I won’t” feels so much better than “I did it” for these kids.
  7. Their clothes are a barrier.  When some families start training, it is in the buff or with just underwear.  Easy to make it to the potty in time.  With clothes on, especially with button-top pants or long shirts, it can be a race to get undressed before things “happen”.
  8. They haven’t been taught the whole process.  “Making” is so much more than eliminating.  Check out How To Teach Your Child To Wipe “Back There” and The Ten Most Common Mistakes Parents Make During Toilet Training for some ideas on how to teach the whole enchilada.

Should you pause training? The answer is not always to take a break.  I know it sounds appealing to both adults and kids, but saying that this isn’t important any longer has a serious downside.  If your child has had some success, you can keep going but change some of your approaches so that they don’t get discouraged or disinterested.  If your child really wasn’t physically or cognitively ready, those are good reasons to regroup.  But most typically-developing kids over 2 are neurologically OK for training.  They may need to develop some other skills to deal with the bumps in the road that come along for just about every child.

Sometimes addressing each one of these issues will move training to the next level quickly!  Take a look at this list and see if you can pick out a few that look like the biggest barriers, and hack away at them today!

For kids with low muscle tone, including kids with ASD and SPD, take a look at my e-book, The Practical Guide to Toilet Training Your Child With Low Muscle Tone.  Read Why Low Muscle Tone Creates More Toilet Training Struggles for Toddlers (and Parents!) to understand why I wrote this book just for you!   

I give parents clear readiness guidelines and tips on everything from the best equipment, the best way to handle fading rewards, to using the potty outside of your home.  It also includes an entire chapter on overcoming these bumps in the road! To learn more about what my e-book can do for you, read The Practical Guide to Toilet Training Your Child With Low Muscle Tone: Potty Training Help Has Arrived!

Potty Training Boys: Do You Teach Standing Up Or Sitting Down?

 

darran-shen-477150.jpgTraining children for bladder control before bowel control is often easier for quite a few reasons:  More frequent bathroom trips = more opportunities for success, digestion and diet issues don’t stall success,  and urination is usually a painless, phobia-free, and quick experience.  In general, families that hire me as a consultant are encouraged to consider bladder training to be the first mountain to conquer.

But should little boys sit or stand to do the deal?  After a child has been sitting on the potty, understands it’s use, and has consistent success, I will encourage parents to have their sons stand to urinate.  But it isn’t as simple as that.  There are pros and cons.

First, the pros of standing to urinate:

  • little boys have probably seen their brothers, cousins and dad use the toilet, and most children want to copy their same-gender parent.  This is often more motivation to become independent in the bathroom.
  • young children may be a little more mindful of why they are standing in front of the toilet.  Children that are sitting have a harder time seeing what is happening and can get distracted. I know, I know, even the “big boys” can have terrible aim.  But children need all the help they can get to stay focused.
  • improving aim is motivation to use the toilet.  I wrote a blog post on using targets to teach boys to improve their accuracy and build interest in toileting.Piddlers Make Potty Training Fun!  These really work!

And now the cons:

  • See the item about distractibility under “pros”.  Some boys are so distracted that sitting on an toilet seat insert with a splash guard is the only way to prevent spraying the bathroom and any supervising adult.
  • Some children will start out urinating and begin to have a bowel movement concurrently.  Oops!  These children often have issues with low tone or digestive problems, and cannot “hold it” long enough to finish urinating and then sit on the toilet to have a bowel movement.  If they have an accident, it could be very upsetting to them and make them less eager to be fully trained.
  • Children with low muscle tone or postural stability issues may need to sit to achieve a safe and stable position.  No one can eliminate when they are unsteady or fearful.

Some children are vocal and clearly tell you what they want to do and why.  Some cannot or will not communicate, but you can figure out what they are thinking.  Some need to be encouraged to give standing a try.  If your son was initially interested and now has lost some of his enthusiasm and is still sitting to urinate, try telling him that it is time to stand like the big guys and see if you can regain some of your momentum in toilet training!

For more information on toilet training children with low muscle tone, check out my other posts such as   Low Tone and Toilet Training: The 4 Types of Training Readiness   as well as my useful e-book.  Here is a post that explains why this unique book will help you move forward with training right away! The Practical Guide to Toilet Training Your Child With Low Muscle Tone: Potty Training Help Has Arrived!

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How To Teach Your Child To Wipe “Back There”

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Potty training is a process.  For most kids, the final frontier is managing bowel movements.  Compared to learning to pee into the toilet, little kids are often more stressed by bowel movements and have less opportunities to practice.  Constipation or just the discomfort of normal elimination can make them wary, sometimes enough to convince some children that this is a process better done in a diaper.  In comparison, urination isn’t an uncomfortable experience for healthy children.  Bowel movements sometimes happen only a few times a week, instead of the multiple times a child needs to urinate per day.  Less practice and fewer opportunities for rewards (even if your reward is warm praise) make bowel training harder.

So when they finally make the leap and manage to do #2 in the toilet, a lot of parents decide to delay teaching their child how to wipe themselves.  After all, wiping can be messy and it has to be done well enough for good hygiene.  Here are my top suggestions to make “making” a complete success:

  1. Teaching should still be part of your narrative while you are the one doing the wiping.  In my book, The Practical Guide To Toilet Training Your Child With Low Tone, I teach parents how to transform daily diapering into pre-teaching.  While you are wiping, and even while you are waiting for them to finish on the toilet, your positive narrative about learning this skill doesn’t end.  You are telling your child how it’s done, in detail, as you are doing it. You convey with your words, your tone and your body language that this is a learn-able skill.
  2. Don’t forget the power of the “dry run”.  Practice with your child when he is in the bathroom, whether it is before bath time, before dressing, or during a special trip to the bathroom to practice.  Dry runs take away the mess but teach your child’s brain the motor planning needed to lean back, reach back and move that hand in the correct pattern.  The people that invented the Kandoo line of wipes have an amusing way to practice posted on their site:  spread peanut or sunflower butter on a smooth plate, and give your child some wipes or TP.  Tell him to clean the plate completely.  This is a visual and motor experience that teaches how much work it is to clean his tush well.  After this practice, your child will make a real effort, not just wave the paper around.  Brilliant!
  3. Will you have to reward him for this practice? Possibly.  It doesn’t have to be food or toys.  It could be the ability to choose tonight’s dessert for the family, or reading an extra two books at bedtime.  You decide on the reward based on your values and your child’s desires.
  4. Use good tools.  The adult-sized wet wipe is your friend.  The extra sensory information of a wet wipe versus a wad of dry paper is helpful when vision isn’t an option.  They are less likely to be dropped accidentally when clean, but having a good hold is especially important after it has been used. “Yucky”stuff  makes kids not want to hold on!  Wet wipes are more likely to wipe that little tush cleanly.  Don’t cut corners.  Allow your child to use more than one.
  5. Take turns.  Who wipes first and who bats “clean-up” (couldn’t resist that one!) is your decision.  Some children want you to make sure they are clean before they try, and some are insistent that they go first with anything.  This can change depending on mood and even time of day.  Be flexible, but don’t stand there like a foreman, ordering work but not willing to help out.  One of my favorite strategies is to always offer help, but be rather slow and inefficient.  This gives children the chance to rise to the occasion but still feel like you are always willing to support them.

 

Looking for more information on toilet training?  Take a look at my e-book, The Practical Guide To Toilet Training Your child With Low Muscle Tone to get a clear understanding of how to prepare for and execute your plan without tears on both sides.  Will it help you even if your child doesn’t have low muscle tone?  Of course!  Most of my techniques simply speed up the learning process for typically-developing children.  And who doesn’t want to make potty independence happen faster?

This e-book is available on my website tranquil babies, at Your Therapy Source (a great site for parents and therapists), and on Amazon.  Read more about my book with Amazon’s “look inside” section, or by reading The Practical Guide to Toilet Training Your Child With Low Muscle Tone: Potty Training Help Has Arrived!

The Difference Between Special Needs and Typical Potty Training Approaches: Address Sensory/Behavioral Issues and Use Consistent Routines

tai-jyun-chang-270109.jpgAfter writing The Practical Guide to Toilet Training Your Child With Low Muscle Tone, I have been asked what was different about my book. There must be 100 books on potty training special needs kids. What did I do differently? Simple. I am an occupational therapist, so I have no choice but to use my 360 degree viewpoint to target all the skills needed to do the job. Seeing the path to independence in this way was second nature to me, but not to parents of kids with special needs. Time to offer some support!

The books I reviewed before I started writing were great, but every one lacked at least one important feature. If the authors were psychologists and teachers, they weren’t fully comprehending or directly addressing the sensory and motor aspects of a very physical skill. Oops.

OTs are always aware of the cognitive and social/behavioral components of activities of daily living, but we also have a solid background in physiology and neurology as well. That makes us your go-to folks for skills like toilet training. And that is a major reason why The Practical Guide is so helpful to the frustrated parents of children with SPD,autism, Down Syndrome, Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, and a host of other diagnoses that result in delays or difficulties with muscle tone and potty training independence. It explains in detail how low tone creates sensory, motor, and social/behavioral problems, and how to address them. Knowledge is power, and knowledge leads to independence.

The other huge difference is that developing consistent sensory-motor-behavioral routines matter more for these kids. Tone isn’t a constant, as anyone with a child that has low tone knows all too well. Fatigue, illness, even a very warm day; these all make kids less stable and can even reduce their safety. Having a really solid routine makes movements easier to execute and more controlled when situations aren’t perfect. Kids with normal muscle tone can shift their behavior on the fly. They can quickly adjust and adapt movement in ways that children with low tone simply cannot. It isn’t a matter of being stubborn or lazy. Kids with low tone aren’t going to get the sensory feedback fast enough to adjust their motor output.

Good motor planning on a “bad day” occurs for these kids when they have well-practiced routines that support safe and smoothly executed movements. What makes the difference isn’t intelligence or attention. It is recalling a super-safe routine effortlessly. This is completely attainable for kids who have speech or cognitive issues as well as issue with low tone and instability. It may take them longer to learn the routine, but it pays them back with fewer accidents and fewer tears.

To learn more about my book, The Practical Guide to Toilet Training Your Child With Low Muscle Tone, visit my website, tranquil babies.com, or view it on Amazon.com!ferris-wheeltai-jyun-chang-270109

Teach Kids With EDS Or Low Tone: Don’t Hold It In!

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People who have read my blog are aware that I wrote a book on toilet training, The Practical Guide to Toilet Training Your Child With Low Muscle Tone. The issue of kids who “hold it in” didn’t make it into the book, but perhaps it should have. Children that have problems with muscle tone or connective tissue integrity (or both) risk current and future issues with incontinence and UITs if they overstretch their bladder or bowel too far. We teach little girls to wipe front-to-back to prevent UTIs. We need to teach all children to avoid “holding it in” in the same manner that we discourage them from w-sitting.

I am specifically speaking here about kids with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Down Syndrome and all the other conditions that create pelvic weakness and muscle control issues. But even if your child has idiopathic low tone (meaning that there is no identified cause) this can still become a problem.

The effects of low tone and poor tissue integrity on toilet training are legion. Many of them are sensory-based, a situation that gets very little acknowledgment from pediatricians. These children simply don’t feel the pressure of their full bladder or even a full rectum with the same intensity or discomfort that other children experience. This is known as poor interoception, a sensory-based issue that is rarely discussed, even by parents and occupational therapists that are well versed in other sensory processing issues.  For more on how sensory problems affect toilet training, see Why Low Muscle Tone Creates More Toilet Training Struggles for Toddlers (and Parents!).   Kids that don’t accurately perceive fullness can be “camels” sometimes, holding it in with no urge to go, and have to be reminded to void. It can be more convenient for the busy child to keep playing rather than go to the bathroom, or it can save a shy child from the embarrassment of public bathrooms; she prefers to wait until she returns home to “go”.

This is not a good idea at all! The bladder is a muscle that can be overstretched in the same way the hip muscles loosen in children who “W-sit”. Don’t overstretch muscles and then expect them to work well. In addition, the ligaments that support the bladder are subject to the same sensory-based issues that affect other ligaments in the body: once stretched, they don’t bounce back. Holding urine instead of eliminating just stretches vulnerable ligaments out.  A weak pelvic floor is nothing to ignore. Ask older women who have had a few pregnancies how that is working out for them.

For children with connective tissue disorders such as Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, another comorbidity (commonly occurring disorder) is interstitial cystitis (IC).  What does that feel like? The pain of a bad urinary tract infection without any bacterial infection.  Anything that irritates the walls of the bladder adds stress to tissue.  Regular elimination cannot prevent IC, but good bladder care could minimize problems.  Not holding it in is part of good bladder care.

The stretch receptors in both the abdominal wall and in the bladder wall that should be telling a child with low tone that it is time to tinkle just don’t get enough stretch stimulation to do so when they have been extended too far.

When should you teach a child not to hold it in?  Right from the start.  The time to prevent problems is when a child is developing toileting habits, not when problems have developed.

So….an essential part of toileting education for children is when to head to the bathroom. If your child has low muscle tone or a connective tissue disorder that creates less sensory-based information for them, the easiest solution is a routine or a schedule. They use the bathroom whether they feel they need to or not. The older ones can notice how much they are voiding, and that tells them that they really did need to “go”.   The little ones can be rewarded for good listening.

Understanding that the kidneys will fill up a child’s bladder after a large drink in about 35-45 minutes is helpful. But it can always be the right time to hit the bathroom shortly after a meal, before leaving the house, or when returning home. As long as it is routine and relatively frequent, it may not matter how a toileting schedule is created. Just make sure that as they grow up, they are told why this is important. A continent child may not believe that this is preventing accidents, but a child who has a history of embarrassing accidents in public may be your best student.

Many kids with hypermobility have bedwetting issues long after most kids are continent at night.  It helps to tell them why this may be an issue for them.  Without that discussion, kids often assume that there is something inherently wrong with them as people.  Don’t let your child’s self-esteem drop because they don’t understand why this is such a hard thing to accomplish.  Understanding also makes them more willing to follow a toileting schedule or to focus on developing interoceptive awareness.  If you are wondering if your child’s hypermobility has emotional and behavioral impact, read How Hypermobility Affects Self-Image, Behavior and Regulation in Children and Hypermobility and ADHD? Take Stability, Proprioception, Pain and Fatigue Into Account Before Labeling Behavior .

For little girls who are at a higher risk of UTIs, I tell parents to teach wiping after urination as a “pat-pat” rather than the standard recommendation of front-to-back wiping.  Why?  Because children aren’t really good at remember that awkward movement, and even if you are standing right their reminding her, she may just wipe back-to-front because that is easier and more natural.  “Pat-pat” is an easy movement and reduces her risk of fecal contamination.  I cannot tell you I have done hard research on this strategy reducing infections, but then, I have common sense.  This is the smarter way for her to wipe.  Want more info on wiping?  Check out How To Teach Your Toddler To Wipe “Back There”

The good news in all of this? Perceiving sensory feedback can be improved. There are higher-tech solutions like biofeedback, but children can also become more aware without tech. There are physical therapists that work on pelvic and core control, but some children will also do well with junior Kegel practice and education and building awareness of the internal sensations of fullness and urgency.  Many occupational therapists use the Wilbarger Protocol for general proprioceptive awareness.  If your child has Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, please read Can You Use The Wilbarger Protocol With Kids That Have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome? for information on how to use this treatment technique wisely.

Good luck, and please share your best strategies here for other parents!!

 

Looking for more toilet training information?

My e-book, The Practical Guide to Toilet Training Your Child With Low Muscle Tone, has readiness checklists that help you decide what skills to work on right away, and detailed strategies for every stage of training.  I want children to become independent and confident, and for parents to feel good about their role in guiding kids to develop this important life skill.

If you are interested in purchasing The Practical Guide to Toilet Training Your Child With Low Muscle Tone, please visit my website, tranquil babies and click on “e-book” at the top ribbon. You can also buy it on Amazon and your therapy source

Low Tone and Toilet Training: Learning to Hold It In Long Enough to Make It to The Potty

 

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If your child can’t stay dry at night after 5, or can’t make it to the potty on time, there are a number of things that could be going wrong.  I won’t list them all, but your pediatrician may send you to a pediatric urologist to evaluate whether there are any functional (kidney issues, thyroid issues, adrenal issues etc.) or structural issues ( nerve, tissue malformations).  If testing results are negative, some parents actually feel worse rather than better.

Why?  Because they may be facing a situation that is harder to evaluate and treat:  low tone reducing sensory awareness and pelvic floor control.

Yes, the same problem that causes a child to fall off their chair without notice can give them potty problems.  When their bladder ( which is another muscle, after all) isn’t well toned, it isn’t sending sensory information back to the brain.  The sensors that respond to stretch aren’t firing and thus do not give a child accurate and timely feedback.  It may not let them know it is stretched until it is ready to overflow.  If the pelvic floor muscles are also lax, similar problems.  Older women who have been pregnant know all about what happens when you have a weak pelvic floor.  They feel like they have to “go”  but can’t hold it long enough to get to the bathroom!   Your mom and your daughter could be having the same problems!!

What can you do to help your child?  Some people simply have their kids pee every few hours, and this could work with some kids in some situations.  Not every kid is willing to wear a potty watch (they do make them) and the younger ones may not even be willing to go.  The older ones may be so self-conscious that they restrict fluids all day, but that is not a great idea.  Dehydration can create medical issues that they can’t fathom.  Things like fainting and kidney stones.

Believe it or not, many pediatric urologists don’t want kids to empty their bladder before bedtime.  They want kids to gradually expand the bladder’s ability to hold urine for a full 8-10 hours.  I think this is easier to do during the day, with a fully awake kid and a potty close at hand.  Too many accidents make children and adults discouraged.  Feeling like a failure isn’t good for anyone, and children with low tone already have had frustrating and embarrassing experiences.  They don’t need more of them.

There are a few ideas that can work, but they do take effort and skill on the part of parents:

First, practice letting that bladder fill up just enough for some awareness to arise.  You need to know how much a child is drinking to figure out what the right amount is, and your child has to be able to communicate what they feel.  This is going to be more successful with children with at least a 5-6 year-old cognitive/speech level.  Once they notice what they are feeling down there right before they pee, you impress on them that when they feel this way that they can avoid an accident by voiding as soon as they can.  Try to get them to create their own words to describe the sensation they are noticing.  That fullness/pressure/distention may feel ticklish, it may be felt more in their belly than lower down; all that matters is that you have helped your child identify it and name it.

You have to start with an empty bladder, and measure out what they are drinking so you know approximately how much fluid it takes them to perceive some bladder stretching.    It helps if you can measure it in a way that has meaning for them.  For me, it would be how many mugs of coffee.  For a child it might be how many mini water bottles or small sport bottles until they feel the need to “go”.  You also need to know how long it takes their kidneys to produce that amount of urine.  A potty watch that is set to go off before they feel any sensation isn’t teaching them anything.

The second strategy I like involves building the pelvic floor with Kegels and other moves.  Yup, the same moves that you do to recover after you deliver a baby.  The pelvic floor muscles are mostly the muscles that you contract to stop your urine stream.  Some kids aren’t mentally ready to concentrate on a  stop/start exercise, and some are so shy that they can’t do it with you watching.  But it is the easiest way to build that pelvic floor.  There are other core muscle exercises that can help, like transverse abdominal exercises and pelvic tilt exercises.  Boring for us, and more boring for kids.  But they really do work to build lower abdominal strength.  If you have to create a reward system for them to practice, do it.  If you have to exercise  with them, all the better.  A strong core and a strong pelvic floor is good for all of us!

Finally, don’t forget that the same things that make adult bladders edgy will affect kids.  Caffeine in sodas, for example.  Spicy foods.  Some medications for other issues irritate bladders or increase urine production.  Don’t forget constipation.  A full colon can press on a full bladder and create accidents.

Interested in learning more about toilet training?  My e-book, The Practical Guide to Toilet Training Your Child With Low Muscle Tone is available on my website, tranquil babies.  Just click ‘e-book” on the ribbon at the top of the home page, and learn about my readiness checklists, and how to deal with everything from pre-training all the way up to using the potty in public!