Category Archives: toilet training

How To Stop All The Diapering Drama

 

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does this look familiar? read on!

I regularly field questions about this problem from the parents of children I treat.   If your 8 to 24-month old is fussy during diaper changes and you know it isn’t from diaper rash, keep reading.  I have some information and ideas for you.

Parents of kids with sensory processing issues or developmental delays often assume that this is the source of their child’s diaper drama.  Parents who lack confidence or parents who spend a lot of time online with “Dr. Google” think that it could be sign of autism or of poor attachment.

Nope.

At least, not usually.

If your young child is suddenly giving you the business, even though they really need a diaper change, there are a few things to think about before you run to a developmental pediatrician (or any pediatrician):

  1. Your child may have been busy exploring, and they are unhappy that they were interrupted with a task they find boring.  Getting a fresh diaper isn’t much fun after those first few months of face-gazing and smiles.  Once a child can really play, they have better things to do.   Parents can be surprised that their gurgling infant that loved diaper changes is now resisting, or even fighting, to get off the changing table.
  2. If your child is one of the 15-20% of kids that Dr. Harvey Karp identifies as having a “spirited” temperament, then you are going to get a strong reaction to  almost any action they didn’t initiate.  Bedtimes, leaving to go to the park, leaving the park to go home, etc.  Spirited kids are going to give you oversized reactions in both directions; super happy, super sad, super angry.
  3. Kids with limited receptive language aren’t sure exactly what is going on when you pick them up.  Receptive language means understanding the words another person is using.  Your child doesn’t have to be delayed; they could simply not have enough language skills to understand what you are saying.
  4. Your child has decided to use diapering as their “line in the sand” to express their independence and test your limits.  Testing limits is normal, and I believe that nature intended this to start early.   By the time parents are experiencing limit testing with a teen, they have been practicing for a while.  Young children that feel that they are being controlled will test more and with more energy.  This doesn’t mean that their parents are actually more controlling.  Perception is reality, and if a child feels micro-managed, then they react whether or not they are indeed highly controlled.  This could happen when they spend a lot of time with babysitters instead of parents, or if they have had many recent changes in caregivers, new sibling, new home, etc.

What works to reduce diaper drama?

  • Use routines to improve language comprehension and manage expectations.  Kids that get a regular diaper check/change know what you are doing and where they are going.
  • Shorten your phrases and use the same words for the same events.  See above.
  • Try not to over-react to an overreaction.  Spirited kids don’t need more fuel for the fire, and neither do tired, sick, or hungry children.
  • Give your child more chances to control other situations in their life.  Manufacture the situations if you have to.  This means that they get to decide of the doll goes in the cradle or the car, or if the blue car goes down the ramp first, or if it is the red car that leads.  Dr. Karp’s “give it in fantasy” strategies  Give (Some of) Your Power Away To Your Defiant Toddler And Create Calmness and all of his positive “time-ins” are excellent ideas to build a child’s sense of fairness and autonomy.
  • Offer the 8-24 month old child something interesting to hold and look at during the diaper change.  It could be a new soft toy, but it might be better to give them a tiny collapsible colander to examine.  The novelty factor should buy you enough time to do the deed.  Remember to change it up regularly.  They need to learn to expect that this could be more fun than drama.
  • Older kids with the language skills to understand the negotiation could be asked “Do you want your diaper change NOW or in one minute?”  It doesn’t have to be 60 seconds later.  The idea is that you have given them a choice.  You have to stick to the agreement.  If they still balk after the minute is up, don’t use this again right away.  You will be teaching them that their protests work to avoid following your directions.  Oops.

The truth is that most children know that you are going to change their diaper regardless of their protests, and they can handle it if you help them a little bit.

 

 

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Targeted Toilet Training Strategies to Help The Child With A Receptive Language Delay

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After writing my first e-book, The Practical Guide to Toilet Training Your Child With Low Muscle Tone: Potty Training Help Has Arrived! ,I continue to think of additional issues that can complicate (but not derail)  training.  One of these issues is a receptive language delay.  This is when a child’s ability to comprehend language is not age appropriate.  It may be accompanied by a delay in expressive language as well.  I don’t think it is a hard stop to training, but there are some strategies that improve the experience.  Not all of them are obvious.

When a child is unable to easily and quickly understand what you are saying during toilet training, you will need to do a few things differently:

  1. Expect to need established routines to support your verbal instruction.  This can include very regular trips to the potty rather than happening randomly.  Routines are essential for all children, but these kids really need them to shore up the language you are using.  Think about buying something in another language.  The routine or presenting the item, finding out the fee, offering payment and leaving with your item helps you get over the fact that you have forgotten most of your high school level French.  When they always sit on the potty right before a specific show, they know why and what you are saying more easily because they know the context.
  2. Use clear and consistent gestures and facial expressions as additional messaging while teaching and encouraging performance.  Gestures and facial expressions clarify your words and help kids respond quickly.  If they have too many accidents because they were confused, they could decide to stop cooperating.
  3. Monitor your language complexity, and consider simplifying it for ease of comprehension under stress.  As in the Fast Food Rule’s use of Toddler-ese, shorten phrases and emphasize important words.  This is not the time to lengthen your statements.  Repeat if necessary, but don’t elaborate.  Read Taming Toddler Tantrums Using Sympathetic Reframing for more details on TFFR.
  4. Assume that you will need to be more enthusiastic, more positive, and spend more time on training in general.  Your child is probably already someone with a short fuse.  Struggling to understand what people are saying makes that easy.  Now you are trying to teach a new skill, possibly one that they aren’t 100% excited to learn.  That doesn’t mean never teach it.  It means have a good plan, with lots of optimism and patience on your part.

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Afraid to Toilet Train? Prepare Your Child… and Prepare Yourself

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I spend an extra 30 minutes at the end of a session this week helping a mom build her courage and confidence so that she felt ready to start toilet training soon.  Her child is over 3, has sensory and motor issues, but shows tons of signs for readiness:  dry diapers for increasingly long periods, tells adults when he needs to “go”, able to manage clothing, etc.  He also has no confidence in his abilities, rarely likes change or challenge, and is super-sensitive to altering routines and using new environments.  This isn’t going to be seamless.

It isn’t clear who is the more prepared individual, but I think it could be the child.

This mom read my favorite marketplace book on training “Oh Crap”, and she needs to re-read it with an eye to the many ways in which her child fits the picture of a child that could NEVER be fully ready to train.  This species is so averse to novelty and challenge that no treat or toy is a great enough reward.  Nothing is more frightening to them than failure, and you simply cannot miss the diaper.  It is familiar, fail-proof, and allows children to never have to monitor their body signals or stop watching Paw Patrol to go to the potty.  Ever.

This child is likely to be experiencing the normal sensations of fullness and pressure (as the bladder and rectum fill) as uncomfortable and a little scary.  This interoceptive input can be one that children are sensitive to in the same way that the find seams on clothes or lying down for a diaper change unpleasant.  He requires a lot of support to tolerate and process tactile input and vestibular input, so it isn’t exactly surprising that he would find interoceptive sensation difficult to handle.  Adding a new routine for dealing with elimination, placing it in a room he rarely uses (the bathroom) and being old enough to know that he could “fail” and old enough to absorb outside comments about being “dirty” is more than enough to make this harder than it should be.

My suggestions to this mom included:

  • Adding more vocabulary to her discussions about toilet training.  Speaking about the feelings of pressure and fullness, the actions of pushing the poop out gently, and cleaning/wiping with clear messaging that this is a learning experience that nobody does perfectly.  Hearing that his parents had “accidents” when they were little, and that every child will have accidents, well, this could really help both of them.
  • Dressing him lightly, or choosing to go naked or just underpants (I like two layers of training pants if they still fit his tiny heine!) so that there are fewer barriers to making it to the potty means she may need to shop for training garments.
  • Planning the environment if she is going to let him go naked.  All living events except sleeping need to happen in places where accidents can be cleaned up easily.  She isn’t averse to staining the carpet, but I assured her that her child knows not to spill things on that carpet.  He is too old not to interpret soiling it as a failure.  When she runs to clean it up, he will feel badly.  If she doesn’t have to rush and shows no stress, he will relax about the almost inevitable accident.  He NEEDS  the confidence to move forward.
  • Consider more media about toileting and the arc of learning.  Most children don’t like to talk about things that distress them.  But they LOVE to read about others who are going through the same things.  I suggested that she weave in some new books about characters who are learning to use the toilet, and add comments about their feelings as they learn.  This would include how excited and proud the character is.  Proud can be a new word in his vocabulary!

 

Training a child that has low tone?  I wrote an e-book for you!

The Practical Guide to Toilet Training Your Child With Low Muscle Tone is filled with preparation ideas, strategies to address the common issues of sensory processing limitations and the behavioral effects of low tone, and even includes a guide to building readiness instead of waiting for it to arrive!  You can find it on my website Tranquil Babies,  on Amazon  , and on a terrific site for occupational therapy materials, Your Therapy Source

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Should You Install a Child-Sized Potty for Your Special Needs Child?

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Affordable accessibility and no institutional appearance!

I know that some of you don’t even realize that such a thing exists:  a toilet sized for preschoolers and kindergarteners!  Well, you won’t find it in Lowe’s or Home Depot on the showroom floor, but you can buy them online, and it is an option to consider.  Here are the reasons you might put one in your child’s main bathroom:

  1. You have the space already.  Some homes are large enough to allow each bedroom to have its own bathroom.   If you have the option, it might be worth it during renovations.  It shouldn’t add considerably to the overall cost, and it should not be that difficult to swap out when your child grows.  If you have a bathroom near the playroom, that might be another good location for this potty.  Most older kids and adults can make it to another half-bath on that floor, but it might be perfect for your younger child and his friends!
  2. Your child is terrified of the standard-height potty.  Some kids are unstable, some are afraid of heights, and some have such poor proprioception and/or visual skills that they really, really need their feet on the ground, not on a footstool.
  3. Your child was a preemie, and their growth pattern indicates that they will fit on this toilet comfortably for a while.  Some preemies catch up, and some stay on the petite size.  Those children will be able to use a preschool-right potty into early elementary school.  Even if your preemie is average in size, they may have issues such as vision or sensory sensitivity that will make this potty a great idea for a shorter time.

I am just beginning to build my materials to do in-home consultations as a CAPS, but I think that an underserved population are parents of special needs kids that would benefit from universal design and adaptive design.  This toilet would come under the category of adaptive design, and it is an easily affordable solution for some children.  Having more comfort on the toilet speeds up training for many kids.  It also decreases the aggravation of training and monitoring safety for parents.  I am very committed to helping the entire family have an easier time of things like toilet training.

Think about what your family’s needs and capabilities are, and if you are planning to remodel or build a new home, consider finding a CAPS professional in your area to help you make your home as welcoming for your special needs child as possible!  For more information, read How An Aging-In-Place Specialist Can Help You Design an Accessible Home for Your Child.

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How Being Toilet Trained Changes Your Child’s Life

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Think your child doesn’t care that he is wearing pull-ups in pre-K?  Well, he might not…yet.  After all, he doesn’t know another life.  He has been using a diaper (because we know that pull-ups aren’t anything other than a diaper, right?) for elimination since his first day of life.  Wait until he is trained, and you may see the difference that being trained will make for him.

Children who have accomplished toilet training have made a significant step forward in independence.  They are the masters of their domain, to borrow from Seinfeld.  Not needing help for something so personal, they have a different attitude about body ownership and privacy.  This is important and personally meaningful.  We want children to have pride in their bodies and a sense that they own them.  Even though you would never harm your child, when you are involved in their “business”, you are taking some of that pure ownership away.  The sooner they have a sense that they can manage alone, or with only a bit of help for the hard bits, they build their sense of self.

When kids master a major life skill, they often are more willing to take on other skills such as writing and dressing.  They are interested in holding their spoon and fork the “grown-up” way.  They have entered the world of the older child, in their minds.  And adults aren’t immune.  We see potty trained kids differently too.  When they are able to take care of themselves in the bathroom, we start raising our expectations for them as well, and treat them as older children, not babies.  And they react to our change in perception as well.  Toilet training can lift everyone up!

The practical realities of life mean that being trained allows them to go to activities and even schools that they wouldn’t be able to attend.  Pools and camps have rules, and being fully engaged with their community means being out there and participating as much as possible.

A mom told me yesterday that her 5 year-old told her “I am so happy that I can use the potty!”  It took him a long time to get all the skills together to be fully trained, and he is off on a family cruise next week.  This will be the first time he can attend cruise camp with his older brother.  He has arrived!

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Could Your Pediatric Therapy Patient Have a Heritable Disorder of Connective Tissue?

 

vincent-van-zalinge-752646-unsplashTherapists see lots of hypermobile kids in clinics and schools.  I see hypermobile children  every week in their homes for private sessions, consultations and ongoing treatment through Early Intervention.  My estimate is that at least 25% of kids over 5 and almost 50% of the younger kids I have treated have some degree of hypermobility.  But young children are naturally more flexible than older kids, and there are other diagnoses that include hypermobility.  What would cause  a therapist to suspect a rare CTD when so many children have this one symptom?

You observe the systemic signs and symptoms that could indicate an HDCT, and you ask their parent(s) for details about their health and activities.  You will need far more information than you can get from your intake evaluation to explore the possibility of a heritable disorder of connective tissue.

Here are a few of the more common current or past indicators of a HDCT:

  • Multiple joint involvement.  Not just lax hands, but laxity at many joints, both small and large at times.
  • Skin that is either very smooth, very thin, or bruises easily, and bruises in places that are not common sites for active children.  For example, shins and dorsal forearms are commonly bruised in play.  The medial aspect of the thigh and the volar forearm, not so much.  It is not uncommon for ER staff to incorrectly suspect abuse when they see this pattern, so be aware that as a mandated reporter, you have to ask more questions before you make that call.
  • Sensory processing issues that are primarily poor proprioception, sensory seeking and perhaps poor vestibular functioning.  Children with a HDCT may have no sensory sensitivity and no modulation issues, and good multi-sensory processing.  Why good?  The more information they receive, the less the impact of poor proprioceptive input makes on performance.  With good positioning and support, their sensory issues seem to significantly disappear or are eliminated Hypermobility and ADHD? Take Stability, Proprioception, Pain and Fatigue Into Account Before Labeling Behavior.
  • Lower GI issues or incontinence issues.  These kids may have more toilet training problems and more issues with digestion than your micro-preemies at ages 4 or 5.  Girls may have a history of UTIs, and both genders can take a long time to be continent all night Teach Kids With EDS Or Low Tone: Don’t Hold It In! You may hear about slow GI motility or a lot of sensitivity to foods that are not common allergens in children.
  • Dental issues such as bleeding gums or weak enamel.  Remember, if it is a CTD, then there will be problems with many kinds of tissue, not just skin or tendons.  Read Hypermobile Child? Simple Dental Moves That Make a Real Difference in Your Child’s Health for more practical ideas.
  • Strabismus or amblyopia are more commonly seen in HDCT.
  • Really slow progress in therapy, even with great carryover and a solid team.
  • Recurrent injuries from low-impact activities that were well-tolerated the day before.   Micro-trauma can take a day to develop into pain, swelling or stiffness.  You  could see overuse trauma that doesn’t make sense at first, because the overuse is just regular levels of activity but for a CTD, this IS overuse.

Should you say something to a parent?  I don’t have a license to diagnose children, but I may contact their referring physician if I see many indications that a child needs more evaluation.  More directly, I can help parents manage the issues that fall within my practice area, and educate families about good joint protection, equipment choices, and body mechanics.

 If a child does have a HDCT diagnosis,  the current and future risks of certain sports and careers should be discussed with families.  As therapists, we know that early damage can contribute to significant impairment in decades to follow.  Just because a child isn’t experiencing severe pain now isn’t an indication of the safety of an activity.  Understanding the many ways to adapt and adjust to ensure maximal function and maximal preservation of function is embedded in every OT.  Adapt your treatment protocols to respect the nature of a CTD, such as in  Can You K-Tape Kids With Ehlers-Danlos and Other Connective Tissue Disorders?

We can make a difference for these kids and their families, but only if we know what we are really treating.

Are you a therapist looking for clinical guidance?  Visit my website tranquil babies and connect with me through a phone or video session.  With over 25 years of pediatric experience, I have probably tried all of the techniques you are considering, and treated children with the diagnoses that keep you guessing.  Make your treatment sessions more productive, and your treatment day easier, with some professional coaching today!

Are you a parent of a child with a CTD?  Or an adult with a CTD?  A coaching phone/video session may answer your questions about diagnosis and treatment, and help you craft a more successful home program.  This is not the same as a treatment session, but especially if you are getting private therapy services, you want to be an informed consumer and get targeted help from your healthcare providers.  Coaching can help you be that effective parent or patient.  Visit my website tranquil babies and get started today!

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Is Your Constipated Toddler Also Having Bladder Accidents? Here Are Three Possible Reasons Why

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Kids with chronic constipation are a challenge to train.  It can often appear that withholding is the issue, and to be certain, fear and pain are real issues.  But there are some physiological problems caused by constipation that contribute to bladder problems, and they aren’t always what your pediatrician is thinking about.

  1. The constant fullness of the colon can lead to bladder misplacement.  The bladder can be compressed and even folded, depending on exactly where the blockages exist.  This is not good for any organ, but it is especially a problem for a hollow organ that should be filling and emptying regularly.   The sensation of fullness with a misplaced bladder is therefore corrupted, so the child is not receiving correct input.  They may feel that they “have to go”, only to have nothing in their bladder, or very little.  They may fill up really fast and have to run to the toilet before they have an accident.  Too many accidents, and a child can beg for that pull-up so that they aren’t embarrassed or inconvenienced.  Even the little ones are subject to shame that isn’t from you as a parent, but in comparison to older kids or sibling comments.
  2. Chronic constipation stretches the pelvic floor, and therefore there is both less stability and less control.  The pelvic floor muscles help us to hold the urine into the bladder in time to get to the toilet, in conjunction with the sphincters.  Poor control and poor awareness go hand-in-hand.  There are physical therapists that specialize in pelvic floor rehab, but this isn’t easy to do with children that have limited language.  Not impossible, but not easy.  Letting the problem go until they are older means risking years of psychological and physical stress.
  3. Withholding due to pain or fear is a huge issue, and it can become automatic.  This means that solving the constipation issue may not immediately result in continence.  Using a wide range of approaches, including manual therapy, behavioral strategies, medications and diet control, and even core stability and sensory processing strategies, may be needed.

My final comment is that chronic constipation is nothing to ignore.  It needs to be addressed well and early.  It often doesn’t solve itself, and it may need more than a spoonful of Metamucil to clear up.  Get help and request consultations early rather than waiting to see how things “go”!

For more information about toilet training, see For Kids Who Don’t Know They Need to “Go”? Tell Them to Stand Up and The Practical Guide to Toilet Training Your Child With Low Muscle Tone: Potty Training Help Has Arrived!

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