Category Archives: kindergarten

Use The Fast Food Rule For Better Attunement With Your Child

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What’s attunement?  The physical and emotional connection that a healthy parent makes with their upset child that brings them both back into a calm and balanced state.  Why is it important?  Because without attunement you don’t have healthy attachment, and attachment is the foundation for a healthy emotional and interpersonal life.  Attunement and attachment are some of the biggest issues in psychology today.  Everyone is talking about it, but once those early years are over, it takes a lot of therapy to repair rifts in this foundation.  So reinforce your emotional connection with your toddler, and know that the effort you make today will help them recognize healthy relationships for the rest of their life.

How does The Fast Food Rule help parents develop attunement?  By reflecting back the child’s perceived complaint with enough gesture, facial expression and vocal intensity to register in the mind of a child, your child will feel that you “get” them, just as they are, regardless of whether you agree that a broken cookie is the end of the world.  Knowing that a parent understand where you are coming from is essential.  For more details, read Stop The Whining With The Fast Food Rule.

Again, later in life, realizing that a partner isn’t “getting them” is important when deciding whether to develop or stay in a relationship.  From there, your child will be able to consciously decide to communicate more effectively, invest more time and effort in the relationship, or move on to another person who can connect more successfully with them.

Does this mean that you give in to every howl from a young child?  Of course not.  Even toddlers know that they won’t get everything they demand.  They may be unhappy to hear that they can’t have cookies for dinner, but they don’t actually think they will be having them for dinner.  What matters is that they know that you understand them, understand their feelings, and aren’t rushing to squash their anger, sadness or frustration.

Once you see those little shoulders drop, hear the scream become a wail or a whine, and get more eye contact, you will have been given the green light to offer a solution.  Wait for it.  And look for that moment when the two of you are calm and moving forward together.  That, my friends, it attunement at work.

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Which Improves Pencil Grasp Best: A Pencil Grip Or A Thicker Pencil?

 

kelli-tungay-324329A a pediatric occupational therapist, I am often asked to weigh in on this debate.  Not often enough, it seems.  There are a lot of kids out there using pencils with wonky grasp patterns because no one has made an effort to improve the way they hold a pencil, or they doubt that it matters.  Oops.  Although grasp isn’t often or evn usually the biggest issue with writing problems, a really poor grasp can reduce control and increase pain and fatigue.  Not every kid with poor pencil grasp is a hot mess.  Some of them just need good instruction and good materials.  For the others, it might be time to get an OT involved.

Kids that struggle with pencil grasp are often (in my opinion, too often) given a pencil grip and told to use it when they write. It may help, but it may not.  An yet, I will still hand out my favorite pencil grip if I think that it will build control and strength. The Pencil Grip That Strengthens Your Child’s Fingers As They Write.

I thought I would drill down into the ways that OTs think about the use of pencil grips, and present a few alternatives to reflexively sending kids home with a bit of plastic on the end of a pencil:

  • Change the pencil.  Triangular pencils give more sensory feedback during writing, and they offer a flat surface for finger pads.  Thick mechanical pencils still have a standard-thickness lead, but they also are easier to hold for some children.  Short pencils, including golf pencils, force more fingertip contact and can be helpful (but not if grasp is really weak or awkward).
  • Don’t jump into pencil use too early.  Until a child can manage a mature grasp, I try very hard to keep them using crayons when they are not yet in kindergarten.  I like the flip crayons from Learning Without Tears because they are so very small, but not all kids in kindergarten are ready for them.  I break a toddler crayon in two so that they get the benefits of a thick shaft but they will be unable to use a fisted grasp.
  • Like markers?  I only use them if they are the Pipsqueak markers from Crayola.  Nice thick, short shafts for little fingers.  Markers don’t give a child any resistance at all, so they don’t give enough sensory feedback or strengthening for my kids that need both.  And they make a mess most of the time.  I don’t have the time to scrub off markers.
  • Build strength and control with play.  Yes, fine motor play.  Totally outdated (just joking) but necessary.  I use the iCreate tablet stylus, bead stringing, therapy putty and lots of tiny toys like travel Connect Four games.  Even baking.     Utensil use counts too. How Using Utensils To Eat Prepares Your Child To Write    Children are spending less time with toys and more with tablets, so I insist that they use a tablet stylus with me in sessions.  They have no idea that the physical “drag” of the plastic point on the glass screen as they move objects around is creating resistance that helps their fingers get stronger.
  • Color with children, draw with children. A lot.  Coloring is less stressful to the risk-averse child who thinks he can’t write. Drawing simple shapes is directly applicable to writing letters and numbers.  Think “T” and a vertical cross, “A” and a volcano.  Watching an adult and listening to their narration, such as ” I am coloring around and around to fill in the balloon, since it is a circle shape”  is very helpful to young children who resist direct instruction.  The child that doesn’t naturally gravitate to coloring may need downloads of their fave character or stickers to add to the picture to make it exciting.  But the key is the adult interaction.

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OXO for Kids: Great Tableware For Older Kids With Sensory and Motor Issues

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Does your child knock over her milk on a daily basis?  Do utensils seem to fly out of your son’s hands?  I treat kids with hypermobility, coordination and praxis issues, sensory discrimination limitations, etc.; they can all benefit from this terrific line of cups, dinnerware and utensils.

Yes, OXO, the same people that sell you measuring cups and mixing bowls: they have a line of children’s products.  Their baby and toddler items are great, but no 9 year-old wants to eat out of a “baby plate”.

OXO’s items for older kids don’t look or feel infantile.   The simple lines hide the great features that make them so useful to children with challenges:

  1. The plates and bowls have non-slip bases.  Those little nudges that have other dinnerware flipping over aren’t going to tip these items over so easily.
  2. The cups have a colorful grippy band that helps little hands hold on, and the strong visual cue helps kids place their hands in the right spot for maximal control.
  3. The utensils have a larger handle to provide more tactile, proprioceptive and kinesthetic input while eating.  Don’t know what that is?  Don’t worry!  It means that your child gets more multi-sensory information about what is in her hand so that it stays in her hand.
  4. The dinnerware and the cups can handle being dropped, but they have a bit more weight (thus more sensory feedback) than a paper plate/cup or thin plastic novelty items.
  5. There is nothing about this line that screams “adaptive equipment”.  Older kids are often very sensitive to being labeled as different, but they may need the benefits of good universal design.  Here it is!
  6. All of them are dishwasher-safe.  If you have a child with special needs, you really don’t want to be hand-washing dinnerware if you don’t have to.

For more information about mealtime strategies, please take a look at Which Spoon Is Best To Teach Grown-Up Grasp? and Teach Spoon Grip By Making It Fun And Sharing a Laugh With Your Child.

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Parenting Experts: Check Your Privilege

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Another day, another piece about how important it is to chat with your young child.  Zero-To-Three just ran this summary on their Facebook page MIT language study and I felt so sad.  For everyone.  For the umpteenth time in the past few years, I am in the awkward position of agreeing with “experts” that kids learn language skills best with face-to-face interaction that expands language, but I also appreciate why some cultures don’t interact with children like MIT researchers want them to.  My concern is that the  researchers can’t seem to see beyond their (boojie) bubble.

Because I have the good fortune to treat children in their homes, and have family and friends that span every economic group from barely-getting-by to (almost) Richie Rich, I have seen a lot of parenting styles.  A lot.  Here is what I see:

Parents teach children to behave so that they will succeed in the culture their parents exist in and the world they hope their children will access.  How parents interact with their children is also affected by how stressed they are.  No parent thinks about this consciously.  But there are huge differences, right from the start.

What I think the MIT folks haven’t realized is what goes on for those parents who come home after working two jobs, who worry about which bills to pay now and if they will have a job this time next month. These good, hardworking folks don’t have the extra bandwidth to chat with their children in the same way that a less stressed parent does.  Maybe the researchers haven’t thought to ask, maybe they assume that what they see in an interview tells the whole story.  But they haven’t seen these family’s homes and their lives.

When that proud, super-stressed, working-class parent thinks about their child’s future, they want to see a job with benefits, a job that can’t be outsourced, a job that has automatic raises.  Many of the jobs they dream about for their children are government or union jobs.  These jobs require obedience to rules and to supervisors.  In these positions, telling your boss that he or she is wrong could cost you your job.  Staying out of controversy and following the rules gets you to the next rung on the ladder.

When their child questions a request, they aren’t going to have a heart-to-heart about why they don’t want to unload the dishwasher.  A parent wants it done because they need to do three loads of laundry immediately and won’t be done with it until 2 am tonight.  Everyone in their family has to help to make tomorrow a possibility.  And they want their child to know that refusal to follow a supervisor’s order could mean that they could be out of a job and maybe out of a home.

Someday there will be someone at MIT that learns more about these families, is brave enough to say what they think, and maybe even publish a study.  That will be something that I can’t wait to post on my blog!

How To Talk So Your Gifted Child Will Listen

 

 

greyson-joralemon-299735I have written a few posts about identifying giftedness in very young children ( Your Bossy Baby or Toddler May Be Gifted. Really. Here Are The Signs You Are Missing!  and Gifted Or Disordered? The Unrecognized Behavioral Traits of Young Gifted Children ) but I want to give some specific attention to communicating with a young gifted child.

Communicating may seem to be the least of your worries when raising or teaching these kids!  Many, but not all, gifted children start speaking early.  And they waste no time once they learn to speak.  Gifted toddlers are known to be chatty, specific, and often demanding in their insistence that you listen to them.  Getting them to listen to you is usually the problem.

Why?  Not because giftedness confers entitlement or because they are spoiled.  The gifted brain is wired for details and connections like a heat-seeking missile.  It likes novelty and intensity over routines.  Gifted kids cannot stop themselves from seeing relationships between objects, events or ideas.  They often want to change the rules of a game and strongly value their own viewpoint.  They learn one concept and will immediately have seven more questions about that topic.  And they want all their answers responded to.   Right now.

You will probably never be able to use “Because I said so” and get away with it when speaking with a gifted child.  Why?  Your response provides no details, no information for the gifted mind to chew on.  And they have lots and lots of ideas about how to approach and complete just about everything.  Doing it your way may take some convincing!

Here are a few suggestions that make communicating with a gifted child more successful and even enjoyable:

  • When making a request or giving a direction, be clear that it is one or the other.  Gifted children will take you at your literal word when you say “Could you clean up your space now?” and respond that they could, but they don’t want to.  Ask them to clean up, or offer them the choice to do it now or in 2 minutes.
  • If you do make a request, provide a simple rationale but use the “big words” they love.  “Please clean up so that we have enough space and less visual distractions to do _______on the table” is logical and saves the time you would spend to repeatedly ask them if you said  “Clean up now”.   It also adds some vocabulary words they may not know.  That can be like catnip to a gifted mind!
  • Don’t be offended if you get a quick retort that things could be done a different way.  Gifted children aren’t necessarily being rude or sassy.  They are stating what is obvious to them:  there are more ways to accomplish this task than the one you laid out.
  • Explain your reasoning when you get a rebuke, and make sure it makes sense.  Gifted kids dislike illogical or rigid thinking.  They may comply with your directions because of a reward or peer pressure, but they will not see you as an authority if  your reasoning doesn’t demonstrate clear and rational thought.  The exception to this rule is when your rationale is creative and expansive.  Some, but not all, gifted kids will go along with this type of thinking because it suggests more excitement could occur by following you there.
  • Be prepared to be exhausted.  Gifted children’s minds work overtime, and you may be caught up in complex stories or conversations about anything and everything.  These kids can go on forever, it seems, ferreting out more information from you and coming up with multiple lines of thought.  Expect that you will be asked to give them this kind of attention.  It can be fun, not exhausting, if you set limits for time and attention.  If you have to move on, suggest that you can take this conversation back up later.  They probably will remind you of this promise later on!
  • Suggest that they use their creative powers to come up with new ways to play with old toys or combine two toys or games with other children.  Gifted children do not always need adult interaction, even though they often seek adults for play.   They will often say that their peers cannot or do not want to take play in a direction that they find fun or exciting.  By giving them a creative start and letting them explore, they may find ways to get peers involved as more than assistants or observers.

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Have More Fun When You Use Drawing To Develop Pre-Writing Skills

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Why should learning to write mean a pile of boring worksheets?  It shouldn’t!  This week, try teaching your preschooler to draw fun shapes that mirror correct letter formation, start/sequence and connections, and watch their handwriting skills take off!

Why draw?  Because some kids need more practice, avoid writing due to fear of failure, or simply need their pre-writing practice to be more fun than traditional worksheets.  Handwriting Without Tears (HWT) does a terrific job of teaching pencil control skills in their preschool and kindergarten books, but their pages often don’t offer enough experience or variety for kids that struggle with pencil control.  I tried using multiple copies of their worksheets, but the kids I treated in occupational therapy sessions got bored too quickly.

I decided to develop tracing pages that naturally expand into guided and independent drawing practice.  As an example, kids have more fun drawing multiple large volcanos that imitate the correct formation of the letter “A” (two diagonal lines that start at the TOP) than writing the letter “A” on a worksheet ten times.  Connecting the lines at the bottom is also an easier way to teach children that they are aiming to connect the diagonal strokes when they write the horizontal line, not slashing wildly across them.

Kids usually enjoy embellishing their drawings.  This gives me more opportunities to work with them on pencil grasp and control skills.  Lava rocks are drawn as circles, and dripping lava curves down the volcano like the letter “S”.  Exploding lava can shoot out of the top of your volcano, curve and drop down onto the ground.  This drawing stroke is very similar to the tricky initial stroke that forms a lowercase “f” (a letter that trips up more kindergarteners and first graders than I can count!).  Beginning a crayon stroke at the top of the volcano is actually an important motor control skill needed for all the letters with top connections such as “F”, “D”, and “P”.   Children will work harder to make this connection because they think it is so cool that volcanoes explode!!

I use gray tracing lines for my beginner drawings for the same reason that HWT uses gray crayon strokes in their preschool workbooks.  Tracing, not connecting dots, helps kids understand that letters and numbers are made of  a sequence of strokes.  The alternative?  I see four year-olds writing the letter “L” without creating a sharp angle at the bottom; it’s a swoop.  I also see the letters “A” and “M” starting at the bottom, then curving up and around in a single line.  Oops!

An important goal of learning uppercase letters first is that these larger, simpler strokes are required motor practice for the finer movements needed to execute the trace-backs and reversals of lowercase letters such as “a”, “b”, “d”, and “p”.  I know exactly what happens if a child doesn’t have the control necessary to learn lowercase letter formation.  If I had a dollar for every letter “a” made from a little circle placed next to a short line….!

Incorrect letter formation and poor control are two of the most common reasons that children in first or second grade are identified as slow or sloppy writers and get referrals to OT for handwriting.  Not every child is able to or interested in re-learning correct handwriting skills later on, and why should anyone have to re-learn handwriting?  Don’t teachers (and OTs) have better things to do?  Teach it correctly the first time!

Drawing gives kids the visual-motor practice they need while providing a fun, creative experience that adds depth to classroom lesson plans about nature, holidays and other subjects.  Try drawing flags, birthday cakes (always a favorite), ice cream cones and more!

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Automoblox: For the Discriminating Preschool Gearhead

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These cars and trucks are so well crafted and have such sophisticated styling that they even impress adults.  They certainly have made me a big fan!

Automoblox are small vehicles that your 3-6 year-old child assembles by themselves or with some initial help.  They have small pieces, so they are not for children that casually put objects in their mouths.  They are harder than Duplo LEGOs to assemble, but easier than those standard and tiny LEGO pieces, and require far fewer parts to complete a vehicle.  So many younger kids want to be able to make a LEGO set by themselves, but get discouraged when they need so much help. They are in tears when their car falls apart because they didn’t have the ability to hold and manipulate the delicate LEGO vehicle with the necessary control.  Enter automoblox!

As a pediatric OT, I am often asked for advice on toys for holidays and birthdays.  These beautiful cars and trucks make terrific (if somewhat pricey) gifts for kids that may not be into arts-and-crafts but need to spend some time building visual-motor integration.  To assemble each vehicle, a child is required to use both hands in a skilled manner and use a refined grasp pattern.  Children don’t need significant strength for assembly, and most will learn the basic construction sequence quickly.

The pieces are mostly interchangeable between vehicles, meaning that although some wheels will only fit the car bases in their specific collection,  they do allow creative builders to experiment with new designs.

Parents who want to minimize the amount of plastic in their homes will be happy to know that the chassis are wood and some of the components are metal as well.  These cars roll very smoothly, and they stick together even after being crashed into walls, furniture and each other.  They can handle the rough play the average preschooler will dish out.

Take a look at automoblox this holiday season.  Your little gearhead (and probably dads and older siblings) will be thrilled to play with them!