Category Archives: book review

The Practical Guide to Toilet Training Your Child With Low Muscle Tone: Potty Training Help Has Arrived!

photo-1445800363697-51e91a1edc73  Toilet Training Help Has Arrived!             

My most popular post,  Why Low Muscle Tone Creates More Toilet Training Struggles for Toddlers (and Parents!) inspired me to write a manual to help parents with potty training.  There was nothing in books or online that really helped families, just a few lines about being patient and not pushing children….no help at all!

What makes this book so unique?  Media specialists say that you have to be able to explain your product in the time it takes for the average elevator ride.  OK, here is my elevator speech on The Practical Guide to Toilet Training Your Child With Low Muscle Tone:

My book provides a complete explanation of the motor, sensory, and social/emotional effects that low muscle tone has on toilet training.  It does so without being preachy or clinical.  Parents understand whether their child is ready to train, and how to start creating readiness immediately.  They learn how to pick the right potty seat, the right clothes, and how to decide between the “boot camp” or gradual method of training.  A child’s speech delays, defiance or disinterest in potty training are addressed in ways that support families instead of criticizing them.

  • Each readiness quiz helps parents figure out what issues need to be addressed for successful training and reminds them of their child’s strengths.
  • Chapter summaries give a quick review of each section.  Parents decide which chapter they need to read next to get more information.
  • Clinical information is explained in layman’s terminology, so parents don’t have to Google “interoception” to understand the neurology that causes a child not to recognize that they have a full bladder.

Here’s what parents are saying about The Practical Guide”:

The Practical Guide has truly been heaven sent!  Although my globally delayed 5-year old daughter understood the idea of toileting, this skill was certainly not mastered.  Our consultations with Cathy and her guide on how to toilet train have given me the knowledge I’ve needed to understand low tone as a symptom that can be tackled.  Morgan has made visible advances, and I am so encouraged and empowered because I know what piece we need to work on next.  Thank you, Cathy, for writing this book!”      Trish C, mother of Morgan, 5 years old

“I would often say to myself “Cathy has to put all of her accumulated wisdom down into a book”.  I am happy to say-here it is!  You will find no one with more creative and practical  solutions.  Her insights and ideas get the job done!”     Laura D. H., mother of M., 4 years old 

Cathy has been a “go-to’ in every area imaginable, from professional referrals to toilet training.  I can’t say enough positive things about her.  She has been so insightful and helpful on this journey.”  Colleen S. mother of two special needs children

How do you buy my book?  Two ways:  Visit my website  tranquil babies and click on “e-book” at the top of the homepage, or visit your therapy source, a wonderful site for parents and therapists.  Just search for The Practical Guide to Toilet Training Your Child With Low Muscle Tone!

HELP HAS ARRIVED!

 

 

The Informed Parent and Happiest Baby on the Block

I read The Informed Parent recently to decide whether it would be a good resource for my clients, and found that the chapters on The Art and Science of Baby Soothing, SIDS, and Sleep Training were worth reading.  This book distills a lot, a whole lot, of research that can confuse those parents who want some clarity in a sea of recommendations. The problem?  The authors, Tara Haelle and Emily Willingham, left me wanting for some good resources to offer parents once they have made their own conclusions about the available research.  They did do something wonderful for me as a Happiest Baby educator:  they included many, many research references to the 5 S’s that support the use of Dr. Karp’s techniques to calm newborns.  If you ever wondered whether swaddling is bad for your baby’s hips or whether pacifiers would help or hurt your chances of successful breastfeeding, the authors have some science-based answers for you.

As an example of what their book offers parents, the chapter on sleep training appeared to summarize all of the research findings by saying that bad sleepers aren’t necessarily disturbed or deficient.  The most helpful conclusion was that children whose parents were available to them emotionally during the bedtime period had fewer sleep disruptions. Parents might be feel less guilty but this won’t help anyone go to sleep.  If a parent is frustrated, tired, and distracted, and has an authoritarian approach to sleep: “Go to sleep NOW, because I said so!”, I believe that they are more likely to end up with a child that doesn’t want to go to sleep at bedtime, and screams for bottles or cuddles at 4 am.  But how exactly does this observation help anyone?  Perhaps there are parents that recognize themselves in that description and decide to change, but I suggest that most of us do not see ourselves as emotionally unavailable, even when we are.   My experience is that the parent-child pairs I have met who have an insecure-resistant mode of attachment (psych-speak for a child that desires parent contact but then reacts angrily or is resistant/fussy when given attention) are completely oblivious to how they contribute to their child’s behavior.   It is going to take more that a summary of scientific studies to have parents recognize the effect of their interactions on sleep problems.

I was disappointed that the authors included the “Purple crying” concept of Dr. Ronald Barr in their discussion of parents that shake a persistently crying infant.  Nothing in this  “approach” is scientific.  Telling parents that colicky crying is normal, but not offering more than “put the baby down and don’t shake him” is reprehensible when methods such as Dr. Karp’s 5 S’s  have actually helped so many families.  Of course shaking is never OK!  I really doubt that anyone that has had a screaming infant has ever felt that “knowing that crying is common and not abnormal” was very helpful.  What you want at that point to avoid doing something harmful is a solution, not a platitude.

Read The Informed Parent and let me know what was helpful and what just made you want some successful easy-to-use strategies for babies and toddlers!

To schedule a in-home training with me in the NYC metro area, or to buy a phone/video consult, visit my website and select the service that fits your needs.  

 

Defiant Kids Can Change With Dr. Kazdin’s Simple Plans

Dr. Alan Kazdin wrote “The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child” in 2008.  He is the director of the Yale Parenting Center, and he has seen some hardcore kids.  You do not get the feeling that he has treated  a lot of children younger than 2, and based on the techniques he uses, it seems like a child would need more cognition and language than a young toddler to respond well without adaptations.   Not a problem: Dr. Karp created the Happiest Toddler on the Block, and he has done a great job dealing with defiant 18-month-olds.   But if your kindergartener refuses to go to bed or your teenager won’t do her homework, this guy has helpful ideas for you!

Dr. Alan Kazdin’s books can change the dynamic for families that feel their life is one battle after another.  If you have embraced the idea that you can target defiance through behavioral science, then he is already preaching to your choir. If not, you might be wary. The funny thing is, when you are using the program, it doesn’t feel that much like science.  You feel like you are connecting with your child’s better nature.  He has crafted strategies that really work.  The biggest drawback is that if you make too many beginner mistakes it will seem as if it is never going to work.  I recommend that parents actually read the books and understand the principles he is using to change a child’s behavior.  This in one of those techniques that you can’t learn in a 900-word article in a magazine.  You might be inspired in a short article, but you won’t learn enough to “take it on the road” and really use it.

Bonus:  understanding a child’s behavior helps us understand the impact of rewards and consequences on our bosses, our mates and on ourselves!

I liked his first book, but I don’t think it took off in parenting circles.   I am going to guess that his first book was a little intimidating for some parents, as it does a very thorough job of explaining how behavioral plans work.  Not every parent wants to think of their star chart in terms like “positive reinforcers” and letting go of the chart as “extinction of reinforcers with intermittent rewards”.  His second book, “The Everyday Parent Toolkit” is a little more user-friendly but still gets his message across.  The truth is that all of our interactions can be viewed through a behavioral lens.  When a child is refusing to do their homework, telling you that you are the worst parent ever, and then breaking the lamp, it might be time to explore a strategy that takes out some of the drama and focuses on how you really want your evening to go.

Dr. Kazdin is very focused on positive interactions and warm exchanges. He is aware that adult stressors make reacting calmly to a screaming child harder, and screaming children create stress for adults.  He has sympathy for everyone but sees parents as the agent of change in this situation.  He is like the white-coated scientist with a “Mr. Rogers” sweater on underneath!

For Rosh Hashanah, Some Zitzfleish?

Pamela Druckerman, the author of “Bringing Up Bebe”, has written a NYT piece, “Learning How to Exert Self-Control” on 9/12/14. She reviews a new book by Dr. Walter Mischel, the primary researcher of the famous test of self-control in young children that you know as “the marshmallow test”.

Dr. Mischel has a new book out, and Ms. Druckerman’s article reviews the concepts and also provides some insights into how children and adults can build the ability to leave the Doritos alone, stick with a savings plan, or just not eat that marshmallow.

I will try to remember his suggestions when I create my own New Year’s resolutions.

Do Fathers Matter? NYT Reviews the Question

The NYT has reviewed a new book, “Do Fathers Matter” by Paul Raeburn. The assumption is that they make unique contributions to their children’s lives before, during, and after conception.

This book explores the science behind this belief. Some researchers are studying the benefits that come from having involved and caring men in children’s lives. Equally interesting are the effects of paternal age and health at conception. New studies suggest that male health is an important consideration in fertility and risk for a wide range of issues. The effects of a fathers’ parenting style in early childhood to affect behavior in adolescence and adulthood is worth considering. No one doubts this, but seeing the research clarifies why we should care deeply about a father’s role in a child’s life.

This book appears to bring social, psychological and biological research together in a readable form, so I will be eager to take a look this summer!

Father’s Day Book Review: The Art of Roughhousing

I know, I know; do you really need a book to tell you why and how to toss your son in the air so he screams with joy? Maybe. Anthony T.DeBenedet, M.D. and Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph.D have written a fun and quite comprehensive manual for you. You will learn why roughhousing is good for your child’s emotional and social health, and when to say when. Most moms are hoping that part is included.
Pediatric occupational therapists will totally support the recommendation to closely observe your child and match/manage the action for safety and mutual enjoyment. Children with sensory processing issues generally love roughhousing but aren’t particularly good at managing their excitement. Here’s your manual for figuring that part into your plan.

The Book spends the first 34 of it’s 190 pages explaining why these dads love roughhousing and the theory of how roughhousing helps families. They are clear about setting limits for safety, but open to very creative play. That’s when the real excitement starts. They use useful illustrations and step-by-step descriptions of moves like the Ninja Warrior and the Magic Carpet Ride. Moves are categorized by level of difficulty and some essential skills needed to execute them. Hint: you will need to be in fairly good shape for most of these. Parenting at this level is going to be all the excuse you need to get to the gym.

Parents who would like to understand the science behind roughhousing and/or need some creative ideas to start the fun will get the most out of this little volume!

Tantrum Taming With Special Needs Toddlers

Toddler tantrums are difficult to handle in the first place. The screaming, throwing and hitting can come as a wave of emotion that overwhelms and frightens both the child and the parent. When you have a toddler that may be emotionally age-appropriate but has difficulty expressing thoughts or understanding language, and add trouble handling sensory information, and you have a real problem. These children need our best efforts to help them navigate these waters.

Some special needs children remain at the toddler stage beyond the 18-4 year range. Those children are especially prone to explosions, as some of their abilities race ahead of skill acquisition (language, movement, self-calming) that would help them cope with emotional turmoil.

If you cannot reason with a special needs child who is having a tantrum, what can you do? Although he did not create his techniques for this population, Dr. Harvey Karp’s toddler communication techniques have been very effective for me in my work. He emphasizes gestures/facial expression and use repeated short phrases. Solving the cause of the tantrum comes AFTER acknowledging the child’s feelings. I will not say that every tantrum has evaporated, but I have seen simply amazing results.

The hardest part for me was that his primary technique requires me to sound, well, like a toddler. Communicating with a child in such a simple, primitive way took some practice. But looking incompetent in front of his parents wasn’t so wonderful either.

Dr. Karp’s book “the Happiest Toddler on the Block” has been revised since I first read it, and the new and improved edition is even more user-friendly. If you parent a special needs child or work with one, it is worth learning this compassionate and effective program.

does this look familiar? read on!

does this look familiar? read on!