Category Archives: behavior issues

Is Your Gifted Child A “Troublemaker”?

 

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When you hear hoofbeats, maybe you SHOULD think zebras and not horses!

Gifted and talented children are frequently leaders in their schools and communities.  They often have advanced language skills and display an early and intense sense of humor. Gifted children can be the funny, outgoing, energetic kids who have deep empathy and abundant warmth.

But being gifted isn’t all rainbows and first place ribbons.  Some aspects of being gifted contribute to styles of interaction with authorities and peers that are not a cause for celebration. Gifted kids can be perceived as causing trouble, creating conflict and disrupting things wherever they go.  Super-bright children might end up with this label for the following common behaviors and characteristics:

  • They resist many rules as limiting and irrelevant.  “Because that’s the way it’s done” is not accepted when a gifted child sees the rule as useless or worse: illogical.
  • Boredom with class material they have already mastered gets expressed as anger or  criticism.
  • Their unique interests mean that they may reject their peer’s play schemes and try to convince their friends to play games their way or else.
  • They talk.  A lot.  At times, they may take over a discussion or attempt to alter a teacher’s presentation to address related issues or get more in-depth about a topic.  They may not be able to let a topic go until they have asked every question and made every point that they find important.
  • The frequent sensitivity of gifted children might make a normal level of noise, light or interaction too stimulating, and younger children especially will react in frustration or even tantrums.
  • Your gifted child may be having difficulty with an area of development that has been masked by their talents.  Gifted and Struggling? Meet the Twice Exceptional Student and How OT Can Help A common example would be the gifted child who is struggling with dyslexia, but has been able to use powerful memory and logic to fill in the blanks in a story.  They may not have read the book, but they are able to recall enough of the teacher’s description or the cover’s blurb to “fake it”.  The resulting failure and frustration, even with high overall test scores, builds their resentment and avoidance.

What can you do to transform a gifted troublemaker into your family’s champion or star?

  • The first step is to recognize where the ‘trouble” is coming from.  Your child’s early developmental skills and rapid acquisition of new information could be fueling their behavior.  Seen through this lens, many of the frustrating reactions and interactions with gifted children become understandable.
  • Explore ways to create a more enriched environment for your child.  It doesn’t have to be classes and microscope sets.  It could be more trips to the library or more craft materials to allow all that creativity to be expressed.  Children that are fulfilled are less crabby, less demanding and less resistant.
  • Be willing to take the time to answer questions and discuss the origins of rules.  A rule that is in place for safety can be accepted if it is explained.  A rule about social behavior, such as allowing everyone to have a turn in order, is an important lesson in navigating a world in which the kids with the fastest brains aren’t always the ones who get the first turn.
  • Consider the possibility that your gifted troublemaker is “twice exceptional”.  There may be issues like dyslexia or sensory processing disorder that need to be addressed.  Other issues don’t have to be cognitive.  Your child may be struggling with anxiety or coordination.  Giftedness doesn’t discriminate or remove all challenges to learning.  But remember that these do not minimize their profound gifts in other areas.  They complicate them.
  • Share your awareness of their gifts with them.  Kids who know that their frustrations and responses have a source other than being a difficult person have higher self esteem.  A gifted kid who thinks badly about themselves?  Yes, it does happen.  Feeling different from their friends, knowing that their ideas aren’t always welcomed, being told to be quiet and go along with the flow.  All of these can make a gifted child question themselves.  When you explain that their brain works differently, and that you will help them navigate situations successfully, your support can make a tremendous difference!

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Is Compulsive Gaming A Disorder…Or A Symptom?

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The WHO has recently classified compulsive gaming a mental illness.  I am not so sure.  What I do believe is that doing anything compulsively is a big problem for developing brains.  Is your child heading in the direction of using gaming or web surfing to deal with issues such as social anxiety or poor executive function skills?  Here is what you should be thinking about when you see your young child screaming because you have unplugged them from their tablet (or your phone, or your tablet):

  1. Have you (unintentionally) modeled this behavior for them?  I  don’t know any adult that isn’t tethered to their phone.  Whether for business or to keep track of where their spouse or children are/what they are doing, most of us have a phone that we look at repeatedly all day long.  When you are with your family, think carefully about how important it is to model the opposite and put it down as quickly as possible.  In effect, you are saying “You are more important to me than this device”.
  2. Be clear about what you are doing when you put down the phone in their presence and why.  In the spirit of The Happiest Toddler on the Block, which my readers know I adore, young children need to hear and see you explaining why you are doing what you do.  They don’t assume things the way we do.  Really.  The older they get, the more it appears that they are ignoring you, but don’t you believe it.  Parents are and always will be the most powerful models in a child’s life.  Forever.  Your teen may roll her eyes, but they are still open, and she is watching you.  So tell your child that you want to focus on them, and your phone is a distraction and you can always look at it later.  You want to be with them and pay attention to them.  I know this sounds a bit weird, even awkward and preach-y.  It isn’t if you do it with warmth and confidence.  Find your own wording, but the message is the same: I care more about you than I do about data.
  3. Look around.  Are your child’s activities, toys and games unsatisfying?  Don’t count the toys, look at them and what they offer your unique child.  An artsy child may need new paints, clay, yarn, etc.  A reader may need to go to the library or get a new book series.  Not a digital copy.  A young scientist might need a kit or a microscope.  A social kid may need more playdates or a creative class like cooking.  Their interests and needs may have changed since the last birthday or holiday.  If you want them to play instead of look at a screen, they need things that excite and inspire them, or the digital world will fill in the blanks.
  4. Does your child need help in building skills?  Shy kids, kids with ASD, or kids that don’t make friends easily can find the less-demanding digital world much easier to navigate.  Siblings sit quietly side-by-side, not fighting but also not learning how to solve interpersonal issues.  This isn’t preparing them to go out there and succeed.  The earlier you realize that your child is struggling, the faster you can stop bad habits and prevent rigid behaviors.
  5. I read a challenging piece this week on the origins of addiction to porn that might change your mind on dealing with gaming and digital devices.  The author’s suggestion was that early experiences have impressive power to wire the brain, to the diminishment of alternative methods of engagement and interaction.  I know, not exactly what you would expect me to discuss on my site.  But the problems of finding easy satisfaction through a non-challenging (and solitary) source of excitement fits this post.  Once a behavior is hard-wired into the brain’s system, it is going to be really difficult to change.   Not impossible, but really, really difficult.
  6. Should you ban all media?  You could, but you would be denying the reality that the world they live in is heavily digital.  I tell parents of the kids I treat that I use my tablet in sessions to teach kids that this is just one activity or toy, in the same way that I will eat cookies but not to the exclusion of everything else.  Putting the phone or the tablet away isn’t the end of the world, and using it is not a fabulous reward.

Looking for more on using technology with intent?  Read Want A Stronger Pencil Grasp? Use a Tablet Stylus .  To help kids engage and learn social and emotional skills, read Stop The Whining With The Fast Food Rule.  Yes, it really works!

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Why Pediatric Occupational Therapists Need The Happiest Toddler Techniques: Neurobiological Regulation

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Pediatric occupational therapists are usually all-in when it comes to using physical methods to help children achieve affective modulation.  We use the Wilbarger Protocol, Astronaut Training, Therapeutic Listening, and more.  But are we using Dr. Harvey Karp’s Happiest Toddler on the Block techniques?  Not so much.  All that talking seems like something a teacher or psychologist should do.  Folks, it’s time to climb off that platform swing and look at all of the ways children develop state regulation.  Early development is the time when children experience attunement with caregivers and create secure attachment.  But this is a learning process that grows over time and can be damaged by events and by brain-based issues such as ASD.  The Happiest Toddler on the Block techniques aren’t billed as such, but they are the best methods to create attunement and attachment while teaching self-regulation skills that I have found.  Combined with sensory-based treatment, progress can be amazing!

Research has told us that the way we interact with children and the way they feel has direct effects on neurotransmitters and the development of autonomic reactivity.  If you don’t believe me, check out Stephen Porges’ work on the ventral vagal component of the autonomic nervous system.

When we use The Fast Food Rule, Toddler-Ese and Patience Stretching ( Use The Fast Food Rule to Help ASD Toddlers Handle Change and Stretch Your Toddler’s Patience, Starting Today! ) to get a child focused, calm, listening, and recognizing that we “get them” even if we don’t agree with their toddler demands, we shift more than behavior.  We shift their neurophysiological responses that can become learned pathways of responding to stressors of all kinds.  We are using our social interactions to create neurobiological regulation.  I believe that the use of Happiest Toddler techniques can make a significant neurophysical change in a young child even before we put them on a swing.  I am going to go out (further) on a limb and say that if our interactions aren’t informed by understanding attunement and engagement, our sensory-based treatment might be seriously impaired.

Long story short:  if you aren’t using effective methods of developing social-emotional attunement and engagement with young children, your treatment isn’t taking advantage of what we now know about how all children learn self-regulation.  And if the child you treat has ASD, SPD, trauma from medical treatment, etc…..you know how important it is to use every method available to build the brain’s ability to respond and self-regulate.

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Help Your Child Develop Self-Regulation With Happiest Toddler On The Block

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Children start learning self-regulation early.  Most kids eventually become reasonably skilled at it, given some help from loving adults.  The problem is they don’t learn it quickly.  Self-regulation takes a long time to become established in the slowly-developing brain of a young child.  While you are scooping up the puddle of Jell-O that used to be your toddler before she dropped her ice cream cone, think about how you can use this moment to build her ability to come back to a calm state:

  1.   Reflect her emotions without denying them or taking them on.  After all, you know that it isn’t the end of the world.  But at that moment, she can’t see it.  She is sad and maybe even angry.  Use the Fast Food Rule Use The Fast Food Rule For Better Attunement With Your Child to state what happened and how you think she feels.  Remember to use lots of gestures and alter your vocal tone to convey empathy.  Don’t be placid; after all, she needs to know that you get how unhappy this has made her.  Kids tune into your expressions much more than your words at this age.  You may think you should be soothingly quiet, but she is thinking ” You don’t see my pain!!”
  2. Make sure she knows that you care about what happened, and use this moment to identify what she is feeling.  Even if you intend to get her another cone, allowed her to be upset for a very brief period, and let her know that we call that feeling “sad”.  Kids depend on us to explain what happened to the dinosaurs, how to eat with a fork, and also how to identify and manage emotions.  Take that moment to explain that there is a name for what she is feeling, and that it is normal and understandable, even if you intend to fix it with another ice cream.
  3. Ask her if she wants another ice cream cone, but not too soon.  Sometimes children aren’t ready for our solutions, even if they do want them, and presenting one too early gives a message that we never intended:  I can’t handle your pain, you can’t either, and I need to fix it right away.  Look for that shift in body language, eye contact or verbal connection that tells you she is starting to pull herself together before you jump in with a solution.

 

If you find yourself more upset than your child, their pain ripping through you, take a moment to look inside and see what experiences in your past are contributing to this feeling.  You may have been taught the same lesson early in your own childhood.  If you received the message that pain is unbearable and should be avoided at all costs, you are not alone.  Well, I am going to tell you that an important part of your life, and a part of your child’s life is all about learning to feel feelings without fear and come back to a good place after a difficult experience.

Bad things happen to us all, and the most important lesson you can teach your child at this moment is that she can handle this feeling and come through it.  With your support, and with the support of other people who love her, she will get through the loss of her ice cream and other losses in life as well.

And it can start with how to handle the loss of an ice cream cone….!

 

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Use The Fast Food Rule For Better Attunement With Your Child

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What’s attunement?  The physical and emotional connection that a healthy parent makes with their upset child that brings them both back into a calm and balanced state.  Why is it important?  Because without attunement you don’t have healthy attachment, and attachment is the foundation for a healthy emotional and interpersonal life.  Attunement and attachment are some of the biggest issues in psychology today.  Everyone is talking about it, but once those early years are over, it takes a lot of therapy to repair rifts in this foundation.  So reinforce your emotional connection with your toddler, and know that the effort you make today will help them recognize healthy relationships for the rest of their life.

How does The Fast Food Rule help parents develop attunement?  By reflecting back the child’s perceived complaint with enough gesture, facial expression and vocal intensity to register in the mind of a child, your child will feel that you “get” them, just as they are, regardless of whether you agree that a broken cookie is the end of the world.  Knowing that a parent understand where you are coming from is essential.  For more details, read Stop The Whining With The Fast Food Rule.

Again, later in life, realizing that a partner isn’t “getting them” is important when deciding whether to develop or stay in a relationship.  From there, your child will be able to consciously decide to communicate more effectively, invest more time and effort in the relationship, or move on to another person who can connect more successfully with them.

Does this mean that you give in to every howl from a young child?  Of course not.  Even toddlers know that they won’t get everything they demand.  They may be unhappy to hear that they can’t have cookies for dinner, but they don’t actually think they will be having them for dinner.  What matters is that they know that you understand them, understand their feelings, and aren’t rushing to squash their anger, sadness or frustration.

Once you see those little shoulders drop, hear the scream become a wail or a whine, and get more eye contact, you will have been given the green light to offer a solution.  Wait for it.  And look for that moment when the two of you are calm and moving forward together.  That, my friends, it attunement at work.

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For Kids With Sensory Issues and Low Tone, Add Resistance Instead of Hand-Over-Hand Assistance

 

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One of my most popular posts, Why “Hand-Over-Hand” Assistance Works Poorly With So Many Special Needs Children , explains how this common method of assisting children to hold and manipulate objects often results in rejection or even aversion.  This post tells you about my most successful strategy for kids with low muscle tone and limited sensory processing:  using graded resistance.

Why does making it harder to move work better?  Because if the child is actively trying to reach and grasp an object, you are providing more tactile, kinesthetic and proprioceptive information for their brain.  More information = better quality movement.  Your accurately graded resistance is doing what weighted/pressure vests, foot weights and SPIO suits do for the rest of their body.  Could you use a hand weight or weighted object?  Maybe, but little children have little hands with limited space to place a weight, and weights don’t distribute force evenly.  Did you take physics in school?  Then you know that gravity exerts a constant pressure in one direction.  Hands move in 3-D.  Oh, well.  So much for weighting things.

How do you know how much force to use?  Just enough to allow the child to move smoothly.  Its a dance in which you constantly monitor their effort and grade yours to allow movement to continue.

Where do you place the force?  That one is a little trickier.  It helps to have some knowledge of biomechanics, but I can tell you that it isn’t always on their hand.  Not because they won’t like it, but because it may not deliver the correct force. Often your force can be more proximal, meaning closer to the shoulder than the hand.  That would provide more information for the joints and muscles that stabilize the arm, steadying it so the hand can be guided accurately.   If a child has such a weak grasp that they cannot maintain a hold while pushing or pulling, you may be better off moving the object, not the hand,  while they hold the object, rather than holding their hand.

Still getting aversive responses from the child?  It may be because the child doesn’t want to engage in your activity, or they don’t realize that you are helping them.  They  may think that adults touch them to remove objects from their grasp or otherwise stop them from exploring.  Both can be true.  In that case, make sure that you are offering the child something that they want to do first.  Remember, we can’t force anyone to play.  The desire to engage has to come from them, or it isn’t play.  Its just adults making a kid do something that we think is good for them.

 

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One of the most amazing places I have ever seen:  Australia!

How Hypermobility Affects Self-Image, Behavior and Activity Levels in Children

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Loose joints affect emotions and behavior too!

As rehab therapists, OTs and PTs are focused on skill building and reaching functional goals with our clients.  But feelings influence behavior, and so therapists have to be aware of more than joints and muscles when looking at function.  In this post, I would like to address the many ways that hypermobility can create social and emotional issues for children.  Without awareness of these experiences, we cannot be the best therapists for these kids, or help parents be the best advocates for their children.

Because hypermobility varies so widely in it’s severity, it’s presentation (generalized, primarily proximal, or primarily distal) and it’s progression (decreasing with age or increasing with repeated injuries and overstretching of tissues), the psychological impact on a child will also vary tremendously.  The child who has had significant and global hypermobility from birth will have a very different profile from the young teen who is only recently experiencing functional issues with instability or pain after years of sports-related injuries.

Here are some major points to consider:

  1. Hypermobility and it’s accompanying effect of stability and proprioceptive processing contribute to both sensory seeking and sedentary behavior, sometimes in the same child.  Add in pain and fatigue, and perhaps even POTS or dysautonomia, and you have a kid that is both active and inactive, both attentive and unfocused on tasks at different times of the day.  Self-regulation appears to be very unstable.  If a child’s entire physical condition isn’t taken into assessment, a referral for an ADHD diagnosis could result.
  2. Difficulties with mobility and stability make active play and engagement in sports more difficult.  This has social as well as physical effects on children at all ages.  For some kids, they can play but get injured at a more frequent rate.  Other children aren’t able to keep up with their peers on the playground and seek more sedentary or independent activities.  And for some other kids, they experience the pain of being the last kid picked for group play or being bullied for the awkward way they move.  The child that was more mobile and athletic when younger, and is now experiencing a loss of skill or an increase in pain, is also at risk for feelings of depression and fear of movement.  That fear is a real problem, with a name: kineseophobia.   This isn’t the same as gravitational insecurity, but it may look like it  to a clinician unless that therapist is aware of a child’s history or all of the current clinical problems.  If a younger child is struggling with being active, check out Picking The Best Trikes, Scooters, Etc. For Kids With Low Tone and Hypermobility for some ideas to make things easier.  For older kids that struggle with sports, read Should Your Hypermobile Child Play Sports? because sometimes the question is how to play, not whether to play.
  3. Kids with hypermobility can have problems with falling and staying asleep, which affects daytime alertness and energy.  It is well-documented that a lack of good-quality sleep results in childhood behavioral changes for typical kids.  Pain, lack of daytime activity levels high enough to trigger sleep, bladder control issues leading to nighttime awakening or bedwetting…the list of sleep issues for kids with hypermobility can be really long.  Evaluating a child’s behavior without knowing about these issues is going to lead to incorrect assumptions about the source of reactions and interactions.
  4. Hypermobile kids can have issues with feeding that contribute to patterns of behavior that extend beyond the dinner table.  Difficulty with eating, chewing, and even constipation can result in behavioral changes.  Crankiness is only the beginning.  Imagine being constantly constipated or gagging/choking on food.  Especially with younger kids, learning social interaction skills at the table can be lost in a parent’s need to alter food choice or their concerns over nutrition.  The development of persistent oppositional behavior can begin at the dinner table and spill over into all interactions.  Hypermobile kids don’t always have issues that restrict them from eating; some kids don’t get enough exercise or find eating to be a pleasurable activity that doesn’t take too much energy or skill.  Used along with media use or gaming, snacking is something that they enjoy.  The extra weight they carry makes movement more difficult and places extra force on joints.  But exercising in pain and fatigue isn’t an easy fix.
  5.  Children develop social and emotional skills in engagement with others.  The child who attends therapy instead of playdates, the tween that doesn’t have the stamina to go on a ski trip, the child who can’t sit still during a long play or movie.  All of these kids are having difficulties that reduce their social interactions to some degree.  Encourage the families of the children you treat to be mindful of a child’s whole life experiences and weave interventions into life, not life into interventions.

As therapists, we owe it to our clients to ask questions that help us understand the daily challenges of life and create treatment plans that support a child’s social and emotional development.  Waiting for mental health professionals to ask those questions isn’t enough.  And remember, if there is a counselor or therapist involved, share what you know about the impact of hypermobility on behavior.  Without awareness of the physiological and sensory basis of behavior, professionals may make an incomplete assessment that will not result in progress!

 

Are you a parent of a child with hypermobility?  Check out For Kids With Hypermobility, “Listen To Your Body” Doesn’t Teach Them To Pace Themselves. Here’s What Really Helps. and Career Planning for Teens with JRA, EDS, and Other Chronic Health Issues for some insights into positive ways to address the future.

Looking for more information on treating kids with hypermobility?  Take a look at Can You Use The Wilbarger Protocol With Kids That Have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome? , Hypermobile Kids, Sleep, And The Hidden Problem With Blankets  and Can You K-Tape Kids With Ehlers-Danlos and Other Connective Tissue Disorders?.

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