Monthly Archives: August 2017

Go Back To School With Target’s Sensory-Friendly Clothing Line

 

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A boy’s tee from the Cat and Jack collection at Target

Here in the US, kids are getting ready to start the school year.  A mom mentioned to me that Target is now carrying sensory-friendly clothing by Cat and Jack; attractive and functional clothes for kids who find tags, seams and textured clothing uncomfortable.  I went to check them out online.  Here is what I learned:

The selection is limited but sufficient for kids who don’t have to wear a uniform for school.  It includes clothes for toddlers up through grade school.  I saw leggings and tees, both long and short-sleeved.  There aren’t any tags and the seams are sewn flat.  The garments have been pre-washed for softness, which saves parents some work.  I know that there are kids who insist their new clothing be repeatedly laundered to get out the stiffening agents that have been applied to fabrics.

I know that this limited line doesn’t solve the problem of getting your child into formal clothing for a big wedding, and it may not have every color under the sun, but it is nice to see affordable clothing options for kids who struggle with this issue.

In my experience as a pediatric OT, children could still have issues with tolerating sleeves and pant legs.  Some kids find the movement of fabric on skin irritating, regardless of the level of softness.  I suggest that you ask your OT about desensitization techniques that can help you and your child have better experiences when dressing, regardless of the type of garment.

Happy Back-To-School shopping!

 

 

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Address A Child’s Defiance Without Crushing Their Spirit

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Kids that defy adult instructions, even instructions that are ultimately for their benefit, often get begged or threatened into compliance.  Pleading with your child to pick up their mess, or threatening your child that those toys on the floor will be given to a charity shop isn’t always going to work.

Why? Probably because your child is waiting you out.  Children are wise observers of what works and what doesn’t, so they know you will eventually clean things up and they are fully aware that toys never disappear after a threat.

If you are tired of pleading and threatening, I have a strategy that could make you less aggravated and even ultimately boost your child’s self-esteem.  It works best with children that have at least a 30-month cognitive and language level.  This means that if you have an older developmentally delayed child that is unable to comprehend a request with a reward attached (“If you give me the shoe, I will get your milk”) then you should try a less complex strategy until they can understand this concept.

The idea is simple:  you make a request and if no response is elicited, you explain that they have a choice.  Not complying will result in a consequence they can see.  After the consequence is imposed, you offer the child another chance to make things right by following a slightly different direction or offering a “re-do”.  There is no “1-2-3” counting, because if you are certain that your child has understood your initial request and the explanation of the consequence, those were already the “one” and the two” of the countdown.  Your execution of the consequence is the “three”.  Good enough for me!

The trickiest parts of this strategy are the maintenance of a warm tone while your beloved child is defying you, and your quick thinking to identify a later task that allows them to save face while complying with your second request.  Do not think I haven’t had to act warm and friendly when inviting a difficult child to give participation another try.  I remind myself that I am the adult in the situation, and my job is to model calmness and teach skills, not get the upper hand on a 4 year-old.

I have also made up some pointless tasks such as rearranging boxes on a shelf, just to have an easy and successful task to offer them after the first consequence is delivered.  The younger the child, the less they will realize that Job #2 was only a chance for them to know that I am not rejecting them in any way.   I could say it, but actions speak louder than words.

Here is what this strategy looks like with a young child:

Adult:  “Please pick up all the cars, and then we can go have our yummy lunch.”

Child:   Looks at you, shakes her head and runs to the fridge. 

Adult:  ” Here is your choice:  pick up your cars and put them in the bin, or they will sit in their bin on top of the fridge until after dinner.”  Adult points to the fridge and/or taps the top to clarify what that means.

Child:   Gets a spoon from a drawer and stands by the fridge, no acknowledgment of your  directions.

Adult:  Uses The Happiest Toddler Kind Ignoring strategy and turns away from the child and waits next to the car pile for about 15 seconds for a positive response.  If the child doesn’t return, the adult puts the cars into the bin without more discussion, and places the bin on top of the fridge.

Child:  Cries, recognizing that a consequence has been delivered.

Adult:  Uses a disappointed but calm tone :  “I am sad too, because now we have to wait to play cars.” Adult’s body language and tone brightens. “Would you like to try listening again?  Please give me the blocks and I will stack them.”  Adult begins to stack very slowly to allow the child to consider her choice, and warmly welcomes the child’s help.

Child:   Begins to hand blocks to the adult.

Adult:  “You did a great job helping me!  Thank you!  Let’s go have our lunch!”

This can go south with strong-willed children, tired children and even some hungry children. I don’t recommend letting kids get super-tired or starving and then setting them up to lose.   Some kids are feeling great, but they draw a line in the sand and decide that they aren’t budging.  They won’t back down.  I express my disappointment in the outcome (no car play) but not in the child.  I don’t tell them I am disappointed in their behavior, because for a young child, they may not always be able to distinguish themselves from their behavior.  They will always be able to see the result: no cars.

I keep calm and impose consequences unless things go from defiance to aggression.  Then I consider a time-out strategy.  Aggression should never be ignored, because that is as good as approving of aggression.  In this age of zero-tolerance in schools, no one is doing any favors to a child by inadvertently teaching them that aggressive behavior is inconsequential.  They will find out soon enough that other people feel very differently about it.

Young kids will defy you.  I guarantee it.  Responding to defiance with limit setting doesn’t have to damage them or your connection with them.   Addressing defiance in this way can build a more positive relationship while making it very clear that there are consequences to not listening to you.

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Hypermobility and ADHD? Take Stability, Proprioception, Pain and Fatigue Into Account Before Labeling Behavior

 

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There is nothing worse than using a scientific study that correlates two variables and assuming causation. Translation:  If behaviors typical of disorder “A” are seen in a lot of people with problem “B”, we cannot assume that “A” is the cause of their behavior.   But we do it all the time.  People who love coffee adore studies that say coffee drinkers seem to live longer.  People who hate to exercise are validated by reports that find the number of heart attacks after exercise “is increasing”.

When it comes to labeling children’s behavior, we should take a couple of big steps back with our erroneous reasoning.  And when the label is ADHD, take three more.  Not because ADHD isn’t a big issue for families.  The struggles of kids, parents and educators shouldn’t be minimized.  We should be cautious with labels when two situations occur:  very young ages and multiple diagnoses that are determined largely by clinical observation, not testing.  Seeing ADHD in a child with hypermobility is one of those situations.

Hypermobility without functional problems is very common in young children.  Super-bendy kids that walk, run, hit a ball and write well aren’t struggling.  But if you have a child that cannot meet developmental milestones or has pain and poor endurance, that is  a problem with real-life consequences.  Many of them are behavioral consequences.

Yes, I said it.  Hypermobility is a motor problem that has a behavioral component.  I don’t know why so little has been written on this subject, but here it is:  hypermobile kids are more likely to fidget while sitting, more likely to get up out of their chairs, but also more likely to stay slumped on a couch.  They are more likely to jump from activity to activity, and more likely to refuse to engage in activities than their peers.  They drape themselves on furniture and people at times.

Why?  Hypermobility reduces a child’s ability to perceive body position and degree of movement, AKA proprioception and kinesthesia.  It also causes muscles to work harder to stabilize joints around a muscle, including postural muscles.  These muscles are working even when kids are asleep, so don’t think that a good rest restores these kids the same way another child gets a charge from a sit-down.

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When a hypermobile child starts to move, the brain receives more sensory input from the body, including joints, skin and muscles.  This charges up a sensory system that was virtually starving for information.  Movement from fidgeting and movement by running around the house are solutions to a child’s sense that they need something to boost their system.  But fatigue can set in very quickly, taking a moving child right back to the couch more quickly than her peers.  It looks to adults like she couldn’t possibly be tired so soon.  If you had to contract more muscles harder and longer to achieve movement, you’d be tired too!  Kids  develop a sense of self and rigid habits just like adults, so these “solutions” get woven into their sense of who they are.  And this happens at earlier ages than you might think.  Take a look at Hypermobility and Proprioception: Why Loose Joints Create Sensory Processing Problems for Children to understand a bit more about this experience for hypermobile kids.

Then there is pain.  Some hypermobile kids experience pain from small and large injuries.  They are more likely to be bruised,  more likely to fall and bump into things, and more likely to report what pediatricians may call “growing pains”.  Sometimes the pain is the pull on weak ligaments and tight muscles as bones grow, but sometimes it isn’t.  Soreness and pain lead some kids right to the couch.  After a while, a child may not even complain, especially if the discomfort doesn’t end.  Imagine having a lingering headache for days.  You just go on with life.  These kids are often called lazy, when in truth they are sore and exhausted after activities that don’t even register as tiring for other children their age.

How can you tell the difference between behaviors from ADHD and those related to hypermobiilty?  I think I may have an idea.

When a hypermobile child is given effective and consistent postural support, is allowed to rest before becoming exhausted (even if they say they are fine), and any pain issues are fully addressed, only then can you assess for attentional problems.  Occupational therapists with both physical medicine and sensory processing training are skilled at developing programs for postural control and energy conservation, as well as adapting activities for improved functioning.  They are capable of discussing pain symptoms with pediatricians and other health professionals.

I think that many children are being criticized for being lazy or unmotivated, and diagnosed as lacking attentional skills when the real cause of their behaviors is right under our noses.  It is time to give these kids a chance to escape a label they may not have.

Looking for more posts on hyper mobility?  Check out Should Hypermobile Kids Sit On Therapy Balls For Schoolwork? and Should Hypermobile Kids Use Backpacks? for school-related topics and strategies.

How To Teach Your Toddler To Wipe “Back There”

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Potty training is a process.  For most kids, the final frontier is managing bowel movements.  Compared to learning to pee into the toilet, little kids are often more stressed by bowel movements and have less opportunities to practice.  Constipation or just the discomfort of normal elimination can make them wary, sometimes enough to convince some children that this is a process better done in a diaper.  In comparison, urination isn’t an uncomfortable experience for healthy children.  Bowel movements sometimes happen only a few times a week, instead of the multiple times a child needs to urinate per day.  Less practice and fewer opportunities for rewards (even if your reward is warm praise) make bowel training harder.

So when they finally make the leap and manage to do #2 in the toilet, a lot of parents decide to delay teaching their child how to wipe themselves.  After all, wiping can be messy and it has to be done well enough for good hygiene.  Here are my top suggestions to make “making” a complete success:

  1. Teaching should still be part of your narrative while you are the one doing the wiping.  In my book, The Practical Guide To Toilet Training Your Child With Low Tone, I teach parents how to transform daily diapering into pre-teaching.  While you are wiping, and even while you are waiting for them to finish on the toilet, your positive narrative about learning this skill doesn’t end.  You are telling your child how it’s done, in detail, as you are doing it. You convey with your words, your tone and your body language that this is a learn-able skill.
  2. Don’t forget the power of the “dry run”.  Practice with your child when he is in the bathroom, whether it is before bath time, before dressing, or during a special trip to the bathroom to practice.  Dry runs take away the mess but teach your child’s brain the motor planning needed to lean back, reach back and move that hand in the correct pattern.
  3. Will you have to reward him for this practice? Possibly.  It doesn’t have to be food or toys.  It could be the ability to choose tonight’s dessert for the family, or reading an extra two books at bedtime.  You decide on the reward based on your values and your child’s desires.
  4. Use good tools.  The adult-sized wet wipe is your friend.  The extra sensory information of a wet wipe versus a wad of dry paper is helpful when vision isn’t an option.  They are less likely to be dropped accidentally when clean, but having a good hold is especially important after it has been used. “Yucky”stuff  makes kids not want to hold on!  Wet wipes are more likely to wipe that little tush cleanly.  Don’t cut corners.  Allow your child to use more than one.
  5. Take turns.  Who wipes first and who bats “clean-up” (couldn’t resist that one!) is your decision.  Some children want you to make sure they are clean before they try, and some are insistent that they go first with anything.  This can change depending on mood and even time of day.  Be flexible, but don’t stand there like a foreman, ordering work but not willing to help out.  One of my favorite strategies is to always offer help, but be rather slow and inefficient.  This gives children the chance to rise to the occasion but still feel like you are always willing to support them.

 

Looking for more information on toilet training?  Take a look at my e-book, The Practical Guide To Toilet Training Your child With Low Muscle Tone to get a clear understanding of how to prepare for and execute your plan without tears on both sides.  Will it help you even if your child doesn’t have low muscle tone?  Of course!  Most of my techniques simply speed up the learning process for typically-developing children.  And who doesn’t want to make potty independence happen faster?

This e-book is available on my website tranquil babies, at Your Therapy Source (a great site for parents and therapists), and on Amazon.  Read more about my book with Amazon’s “look inside” section, or by reading The Practical Guide to Toilet Training Your Child With Low Muscle Tone: Potty Training Help Has Arrived!

Negotiating With Toddlers? Why 90/10 Is A Good Deal To Them

 

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Toddlers can make you doubt your sanity.  They really can.  How can a crushed cookie be the end of the universe as they know it?  Why do they think you can make more cookies appear on demand?  And how to explain to this person that thinks you hung the moon that you simply cannot erase crayon marks?

This post is an effort to explain how to successfully negotiate (most of the time) with children 18 months to 5 years old.  It is based on The Happiest Toddler on the Block strategies by Dr. Harvey Karp.  Once I learned his techniques, I never looked back and became a toddler whisperer.  Really.  You need to embrace his two most important ideas and then you are ready to hit the negotiating table with your toddler.

Dr. Karp’s most basic concept is that you need to understand that the toddler brain isn’t capable of much logical thinking due to immaturity.  This means that they cannot negotiate well, even when calm.  It gets better as they get older, so a 4 year-old will have flashes of rational negotiation, and an 18 month-old may never get it.  She can’t.  Her brain simply doesn’t “do” rational well at all until that frontal cortex is mature.  The other concept is true for negotiation with anyone, including your partner and your boss.  You have to see their side of the story and communicate to them that you are aware of their feelings….whether or not you agree with them!

Agreeing that they get 2 more bedtime stories but not a snack as well, agreeing that they get the giraffe cup but can’t spill half of it on the new carpet to make a pattern, agreeing that they can wear pajamas to the park but only with shoes are all successes.  Tell them that you understand that wearing Spiderman jammies is indeed cooler with Spiderman sneakers helps them negotiate the deal.  Honestly saying that you are too tired to read 6 more books using an exaggerated yawn and a sad look helps.  You need to go night-night too.  They may be able to see your perspective since they are tired as well (but may never admit it to you).

So here is where your paradigm shift happens.  You have to be OK with deals that seem unfair to you.   Adults want a 50/50 split at the very least.  But you aren’t negotiating with another adult.  Be prepared to leave your ego at the door.  If you are the kind of person that needs to be right, you are going to fail at toddler negotiation.  Toddlers negotiate from the heart and with heart.  A mature sense of fairness isn’t going to be helpful with an irrational mind.  Hint:  if you have ever had a totally irrational boss that you actually liked when things weren’t exploding all over the office, you will have had some experience with the toddler mind.

Successful initial negotiations with a toddler often yield a 90/10 split.  90% for them, and 10% for you.  If they walk away happy,  you should too.  This is why this is not only a good deal for you, it is the only way to teach fairness in negotiation: toddlers start out expecting 100%.  A 90% deal is, in their mind, having given in big-time. But if they feel OK about it and life goes on, you won.  If you can manage that, the next negotiation could be 80/20.

Many toddlers cannot manage this when tired, overwhelmed, hungry, etc.  So negotiations can start over something simple, something that doesn’t matter very much to either party, and when things are calm.  You are teaching a skill, not making a business deal.  But the results could make everyone’s life a lot calmer in the end!

Make Handwriting Fun While Getting Ready For The New School Year

Here in the US, kids are getting ready to go back to school.  And most of them haven’t been writing much in the last 6-8 weeks.  At the kindergarten level, some children will have forgotten any lowercase letters they knew in the spring.  At the 1-2 grade levels, it is not uncommon for kids to forget how to form letters, where to place them on the baseline, and how to use simple punctuation.   Teachers sometimes need to use the first 1-2 weeks for review alone.

What if they didn’t need to review?  What if your child was ready to hit the ground running (and writing)?  There is nothing like seeing a confident kid sit down to crush her homework instead of struggling through it.  For all those writers who worked hard last year and are a little nervous to pick up a pencil again, here are some ideas that help getting back to writing fun and easy:

  1. Get good materials.  Kids are just like adults.  We like new, cool stuff.  So do they.  I recommend using the best eraser (Problems With Handwriting? You Need The Best Eraser ) and either the small Learning Without Tears (they changed their name!!!)  pencils for kindergarteners, or the Papermate 1.3mm lead mechanical pencils for older kids.  Take a look at my post on these useful pencils Great Mechanical Pencils Can Improve Your Child’s Handwriting Skills
  2. Use fun workbooks like Madlibs and games like Hangman.  Make up games that you think your kids will find funny.  Try the Junior version of Madlibs for grades 2-3, and the regular one for the higher grades.  There are themes for every kid, trust me.  Something will be funny.  Do them together with your child, have a contest for silliest madlib, send them to relatives that can appreciate this humor, etc.
  3. Target any errors made in writing their first and family name first.  Those errors will be repeated over and over in the first few days of school if you do not focus on them.  Time to make this a priority.
  4. Figure out where the gaps are, and hit the low-hanging fruit next.  Why?  Because that builds confidence.  Look for simple errors with easy-to-write or frequently written letters.  Think “a”, “e”, and “t”.  Doesn’t even have to be letters; could be numbers.  Kids need to feel like they can hit singles, and then they will try harder for doubles and triples.  Forgive the baseball reference; I saw a ton of stickers and vanity plates today.   Apparently all of my neighbors are big baseball fans!

There are only a few weeks of summer left, but if you make a small effort,  it can mean a lot to a child’s first weeks of school!

Should Hypermobile Kids Use Backpacks?

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It is back-to-school season here in the US.  One of the items on many parent’s shopping lists is a new backpack.  But for kids with low muscle tone or hypermobility, backpacks can be more than a way to carry books and water bottles.  They can be a source of pain, headaches, even numbness in hands and fingers.  The important question isn’t how to lighten the load of a heavy backpack.  It is whether these kids should be using them at all.

The standard recommendations from occupational therapists and orthopedists regarding backpacks is simple:  lighten the load, use both straps (select wide straps), and make sure the heaviest items are placed close to the body.  All good suggestions.  But if a child already has pain or weakness around the spine and shoulder joints, less stability and endurance, and less ability to judge posture and force, then the picture changes.  Using a backpack may be a significant physical risk, no matter how well designed or used.

Here are some suggestions that further minimize injury but can be acceptable to older kids who may be sensitive to being perceived as different:

  • Request a set of the heaviest books for home use.  This can be part of an IEP or a 504 plan, or the school may be willing to do so without anything formal on paper.
  • Select the smallest size backpack possible.  Stores like Land’s End and L.L. Bean here in the US are great sources for a variety of backpack sizes.
  •  Have your child use their backpack only for lighter items.  Pick the smallest water bottles and travel sizes of anything they need.  Think “weekend in Paris on a shoestring” not “trekking the Himalayas”.  At least they have a backpack like the other kids.
  • Teach your child to carry their pack in their arms, close to their chest, instead of wearing it.  I know, that sounds weird.  But if it is small, this is the smartest way to carry anything while reducing strain on backs and necks.  And they still have a backpack like the other kids.  A long shot, but some kids can be reminded of how awful neck and back pain really is, and how not being able to sleep or play sports is worse than carrying that pack in their arms.
  • Considering a rolling case?  Not so fast.  The twisting of the back and the use of one arm to drag a rolling case may be worse than using a backpack.  Then there is the lifting and lugging up non-ADA stairs.  Out of the frying pan……

Looking for more information about hypermobility, low tone and back-to-school planning?  Check out Does An Atypical Pencil Grasp Damage Joints or Support Function In Kids With Hypermobility? and Great Mechanical Pencils Can Improve Your Child’s Handwriting Skills.  Before you wonder if all that fidgeting and leaning over the desk is a behavior problem, read Hypermobility and ADHD? Take Stability, Proprioception, Pain and Fatigue Into Account Before Labeling Behavior.  There are pencil grips that can really help kids with a weak grasp, so check out The Pencil Grip That Strengthens Your Child’s Fingers As They Write.