Your Bossy Baby or Toddler May Be Gifted. Really. Here Are The Signs You Are Missing!

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Toddlers are known to be a challenge at times.  Tantrums over broken cookies, insistence on hearing “Goodnight Moon” for the 11th time in one night, etc.  They can be adorably cute and amazingly difficult in the same 15 minute period!   But lurking inside chaotic toddler behavior may be signs of genius.  Really.  Here are some important signs of giftedness that emerge before 12 months of age:

  • Makes eye contact early and frequently.  The gifted baby seems incredibly alert and appears to be constantly aware of what is going on around her.
  • Resists being left alone without anything to do; wants interaction with you and with the world.  Novelty energizes the gifted baby in a way that nothing else does.
  • Your baby seems to recall routines very early.  They look at the door when you grab your coat because they know you are leaving.  At 5 months.  They crawl to the tub without you saying anything because they remember that after books comes tub time.
  • Many gifted kids reach motor milestones early.  Babies that hold their head steady at 2 months, crawl at 5 or 6 months, and walk at 10 months.

Yes, the gifted baby is taking notes and making plans.  Once she can move, she is into everything.  The things that fascinate her might be objects you never suspected an infant would even notice.  She may have abandoned those rattles very early in life.  She might not be interested in chewy toys or tags on toys. In fact, one of the signs of a gifted baby can be a distinct disinterest in chewing on books and toys.  They realize that these objects have another (higher) purpose!

Gifted babies grow up to be toddlers.  Here are some signs of gifted behavior in toddlers:

  • Obvious and strong interest in shapes, shape sorters, containers, letters and numbers in all forms.  This is way beyond being taught to sing the “Alphabet Song” in a cute way.  The gifted toddler is likely watching, listening and teaching herself what those symbols mean!  She may even gather three sorter toys and proceed to group all the circles, triangles, etc in a pile before 12 months old.
  • Completing puzzles and shape sorters beyond age expectations for the toy.  For example:  I expect a child to place a circle in a shape sorter by 12-14 months.  If I see a 9 month-old that can manage it easily and is showing me some trial-and-error problem solving with other shapes, I assess that as significantly early motor and perceptual development.
  • Devouring books.  This is different from liking books.  The gifted child needs books like they need oxygen.  They pour over them, look at every detail, and recall every word.  In order.  Don’t try to shorten the story, because they remember it all.
  • Is eager to please OR totally focused on exploring, and their feelings can get hurt easily.  Yes, this is one of those gifted characteristics that parents don’t brag about.  Sensitivity, in all it’s versions, (emotions, physical sensitivities, allergies, etc.) is very commonly seen in gifted people of all ages, and it stars early.  Gifted kids are alert to your moods and seem to pick up on emotions that other babies miss.
  • A long attention span, with insistence on finishing things and completing tasks independently.  This can lead to tears and frustration as a child imagines actions and creations he cannot execute to his satisfaction.  His physical development isn’t usually at the same level as his mental capacity. The frustration this asynchrony causes is a pervasive issue for gifted children well past early childhood.
  • Other adults describe your child as bossy, stubborn and possibly spoiled.  Yup, the gifted toddler isn’t always everyone’s fave grandchild.  They can be insistent on doing things their way, and only their way.

How can you tell the difference between typical toddler behaviors and signs of giftedness?  It isn’t always that easy.  The behavioral issues of developmental asynchrony and sensitivities can mask the underlying issue of giftedness.  I look for improvement in their behavior when they are given appealing but highly complex problems to solve. I might invite a toddler to join me in a play activity that is complex and intense, but has been selected to modulate arousal states.  The gifted toddler who is given a chance to shine in this environment is a wonderful thing to observe.  A typical child with behavioral issues often becomes more irritable and bossy when given the same situation because instead of being stimulated they are frustrated and overwhelmed.

When I am working with a child that is reported to have sensory processing difficulties and I ask the right questions, I start wondering if I am also seeing signs of early giftedness when I hear the following comments come out of a frustrated parent’s mouth:

  1. “From the minute we brought him home, he seemed to watch everything we did.”
  2. She isn’t happy unless she has something new to play with, and then she always surprises us with how fast she figures it out.”
  3. “He never stops exploring, from the minute he wakes up.”
  4. “She put together her brother’s puzzles and then said “Store” so we would go get her more puzzles!”
  5. “He watched his sister drawing, and before we knew it, he drew a face, right down to the eyebrows and ears!”

The gifted infant and young toddler is almost always more work for parents than a typically developing child.  That constantly curious mind likes complexity, it is driven to explore the world and the world of ideas, and their non-stop intensity seems to begin at birth.  Some parents are also gifted individuals, and they recognize the situation right away.  They may be worried about being up to the challenge of parenting a gifted child, or they are overwhelmed by their job, their other family roles, and now the responsibility of supporting a gifted child.  If you are tired of the non-stop questions and chatter, read How To Talk So Young Gifted Children Will Listen for some communication strategies that work.  Daycare and preschool staff may not recognize behavior as giftedness, even if this has been mentioned.  Take a look at  Supporting The Gifted Toddler at Preschool  and  Is Your Gifted Child A “Troublemaker”? for my suggestions on how preschool teachers can help gifted children thrive in school.

Some parents aren’t gifted, even if they are professionally successful and personally content.  Their perspective is different from their gifted child, and it may be hard for them to embrace the difference.  They don’t see the world through the same mindset as their gifted son or daughter.  I believe that is because the mind of a gifted person is as different as the mind of a developmentally challenged person.  Different processes, different problems.  Every parent can come to understand their child, regardless of brain differences.  Knowing what those differences are is the very first, but very important, step.  Take look at Why Gifted Preschoolers Should Be Taught Handwriting Early (And With The Best Strategies!) to  learn how to adapt early teaching strategies to align with the young gifted mind.

Do I rush to tell the parents my suspicions?  No.  I am not a neuropsychologist.  My license doesn’t give me the right to diagnose.  I watch, work, support, and trust that the truth about a child’s abilities and issues will come out in time.  And I go right on doing what I have been asked to do.  Addressing the sensory processing issues that some gifted children face is more than enough of a challenge for an OT, and I am happy to support these kids to have happier, calmer and more enjoyable lives because of my input!

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